Life is Short. Pray Hard!

Urgensi!!!

2008-11-07T01:52:00.000-08:00

Bulan ini, aku mendapat giliran berbelanja untuk komunitas. Maka Rabu kemarin, aku dan Yan pergi berbelanja ke Carrefour Cempaka Mas. Kami berangkat naik Transjakarta dan pulang dengan taksi karena belanjaan yang amat banyak. Untuk menuju ke arah Senen, taksi harus berputar dulu agak jauh. Jalanan macet sekali. Waktu itu sekitar jam setengah lima sore. Di suatu perempatan, karena jalanan yang amat macet itu, kami harus berhenti agak lama. Tempat itu ternyata merupakan tempat mangkalnya anak jalanan dan banci-banci. Tiba-tiba satu anak jalanan mendekati taksi kami dan mulai meminta uang.

“Oom, gopek Oom.”

Aku hanya diam. Aku sebenarnya ingin memberikan sedikit uang, entah seribu atau limangelem misalnya. Sempat juga terlintas untuk memberikan salah satu snack yang kami beli tadi. Tapi, itu di bagasi belakang. Sementara itu, si anak terus merengek di kaca mobil sampingku. ratus, tapi ini bukan uangku. Ini uang komunitas. Selain itu, aku takut kalau-kalau ada banci yang justru menyerbu ke taksi kami. Lagipula, siapa yang menjamin kalau uang yang kuberikan digunakan untuk makan, bukan untuk

“Oom, gopek Oom. Ah, Oom pelit. Pelit!”

Seorang banci lewat, menggoyang-goyang alat musiknya yang terbuat dari susunan tutup botol. Aku menolak memberi juga, dan banci itu hanya mengumpat,”K****l”, lalu pergi. Bagiku, menghadapi sikap-sikap seperti banci ini lebih mudah. Tak diberi lalu pergi. Tapi, anak ini, bagaimana aku harus bersikap. Dan, ia terus saja merengek di balik kaca. Aku hanya menatapnya tak berdaya. Aku tak tahu juga harus berbuat apa.

Oh, begini kejamkah hidup? Aku dibuat tak berdaya menghadapi kemiskinan dan kenyataan, tapi juga tawaran berbuat baik. Tawaran itu datang kini dan di sini. Tapi aku melewatkan kesempatan itu. Orang macam apa aku ini, membuat terlalu banyak alasan hanya untuk menghindarkan diri dari sikap menerima tawaran itu. Akankah nanti aku dianggap sebagai orang yang tidak mau memperhatikan Tuhan karena tidak memperhatikan yang terkecil di antaraku???

MAGiS 08: Pratice Makes Magis

2008-10-09T11:38:00.000-07:00

From 8th to 9th of July 2008, I got the chance to accompany the participants of MAGiS 08 Jakarta on their recollection. They are from three nationalities: Germany, Taiwan, and Indonesia. Before those days, they had had an experiment by living among the marginalized in Ciliwung and Bantar Gebang, Jakarta. Upon the experiment, they were to make a reflection, in which I was asked to accompany them. I wasn’t there when they had their live-in and I haven’t been in those places too. From their sharing of experiences, however, I could imagine the lives of those people of Ciliwung and Bantar Gebang. I believe it was a great experience for them to get the chance to live with those people, to taste their bitter life and to sense the difficulties and hardness they face. Some of the participants were really shocked to find out that there are such lives in Indonesia, something they don’t find in Germany and Taiwan. In many cases, however, this kind of shock is important to help us realize our surroundings, especially regarding the life of the poor.

For the recollection, together with Br. Mario, I gave them some points from the Gospel and some questions to help them digest their experience in the light of the Gospel so that the will of God might be found. It was really edifying to listen to their sharing and reflection. With any respect, I am impressed that they went into the depth of their experience, in spite of the fact that they are young students, with all their concerns and interests. Some of the insights they got did touch me. For example, the phrase “Practice makes magis” which is a parody of an advertising line “Practice makes perfect”. These phrases attract me for it is concise and eye-catching yet very deeply meaningful. Another example is a reflection that for one of the group, the magis circle is the place where they most easily find God. That’s a wow. Never thought so before. Indeed, God is present in the companions, friends, not just in the poor.

Their reflections revive in my mind the experience of the live-ins I had before: among the villagers in Boro, Yogyakarta, with the construction workers in Palembang, with the earthquake victims in Yogyakarta, with a fisherman family in Navotas, Manila Bay, and with the indigenous in Mindanao. I feel once more the feeling I had, and recall the tremendous experience I had.

For me, the poor teaches me to be generous and to leave everything to God. It’s true that God is the only one they have. It is in that sense that I recognize the face of God in the poor. This chance of accompanying the participants of Jakarta MAGiS 08 experiment helps me to treasure more such experiences.

This is the first time for me to give a recollection. And, I’m happy to be given chance to share what I have, as someone who had a similar experiment before. I am happy too to be together with the youths from many countries, who show a zeal and eagerness to give meaning to their lives. They are men and women searching for meaning.

The Art of Choosing

2008-08-19T09:37:00.000-07:00

A short reflection on the movie The Dark Knight

Dark Knight teaches me what the very meaning of choosing really is. Life, as a series of choices, forces us to choose one choice among many choices. Then, one choice will lead us to another choices, one of which we have to pick once again. Choosing is, in fact, not as easy as flipping a coin and then look at what comes up, like what Harvey Dent does. Rather, it is an art of defining which choice that will do greater good, and picking it.

Through the whole story, we will see scenes of choosing done by those involved in the story: James Gordon, Harvey Dent, Batman, Joker, etc. James Gordon chooses to pretend that he is dead in order to set a trap on Joker and capture him. Dent chooses to purport himself as the Batman and be captured so that the people of Gotham will be pacified. Batman, in the end of the story chooses to the Dark Knight, a hero needed by Gotham, yet always chased. Joker, as we know, chooses to be a terror for Gotham, the evildoer and enemy. One interesting scene is when the prisoners and the people of Gotham are on boats, each group in one boat. Both groups are given choices, to blow the other boat or be blown. In the end, both choose not to blow each other. They throw the trigger away.

When we choose, we’d better be fully detached. Otherwise, our choices will be bias or even corrupted. We won’t be able to make a fair and unbiased choice. This is what happens to Joker and Harvey Dent. Joker is a person having very traumatic experience. His father was cruel to him and his mother. This painful experience forms him to be a cruel, tough, and evil guy. His choice to be the Joker, enemy of Gotham, is surely affected by his painful past. Harvey has a different story. He is onced the hero of Gotham, the White Knight. He captured many bandits in only a short time. He also put himself in Batman’s place, to be captured for the sake of Gotham’s people. He has a unique habit. When offering choices, he will flip a coin. He always wins because it is a counterfeited coin that has same sides. In this case, we could say Harvey always has a clear and discerned choice. These all change, however, after the burning set by Joker that take the life of his girlfriend, Rachel Dawes. He blames Gordon and Batman, for not saving her life. He turned to be an enemy. Coincidentally, one side of his coins is burned in that accident too. He will have to gamble, then, each time he gives choices. When Dent is not detached from that painful experience, he cannot choose with clear mind. This is actually what Joker plans for Harvey: even the best man in Gotham can fall into his side once his choice is affected by pain and sorrow.

We do have two faces, as what happens to Harvey after the burning. One is the face of evil, one of virtue. We have to choose one

Be Yourself

2008-08-02T07:19:00.000-07:00

(Reflection on the movie Kungfu Panda)

God works in each of us through our personal context, along with our perfections and defects. That is what the story of Po in the movie Kungfu Panda tells me. Po’s fat body and his hobby to eat a lot, at first seemed to be defects for him, have been means for him to be a Dragon Warrior, a Kungfu expert, and to defeat the ferocious Tai Lung. Master Shifu, Po’s teacher realizes that he can’t teach Po in the he teaches his Students, The Furious Five (Tigress, Viper, Mantis, Crane, and Monkey). Shifu, therefore, teaches Po Kungfu through what interest him most: food and anything related to it. After finishing his training, the Dragon Scroll is given to him. And, a new warrior is born: Po, The Dragon Warrior. The process of becoming a Dragon Warrior itself is rather simple. The secret is that there’s no secret. You just have to believe that you are special. Let yourself to be you. This reminds me of what St. John Berchmans once said: “Do ordinary things with extraordinary zeal”. It is with that belief that Po defeats the ferocious Tai Lung, who is after the Dragon Scroll too.

At first Po doesn’t think his fat body (with his sluggish movement, of course) would be useful. It turns out, however, to be God’s grace. All people have their defects, of course, but only few are grateful for those defects or even consider them as a grace. You just have to work on them and find out by yourself. Besides, you need trust and belief. It is when Shifu put trust on Po that he begins to look up and see himself in a different way. He was convinced about his destiny as the Dragon Warrior by putting trust on Shifu as his master. Finally, Po has to believe in his own capability of being a Dragon Warrior.

Po, once wanted to be one of the Furious Four, has become greater than them. Yet, he is not someone else. He’s still the same Po, who won’t reject any offer of steamed rice bread or a bowl of noodles. Just be you.

God works on every person, in his WAY, that is Gods way and that person’s way.

(St. Ignatius of Loyola)

Siapa Yesuit?

2008-07-27T22:16:00.000-07:00

May

2008-06-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago, on May 19^th 1998, a tragedy happened in Jakarta. It was later known as Tragedy of May 1998. Its tenth year commemoration, which is this year, is marked by the release of a movie “May” directed by Viva West. Last Wednesday, I got the chance to watch the movie along with some friends of mine.

The movie depicts the story of an Indonesian Chinese girl struggling with her efforts to forget at first but then reconcile with her experience around the tragedy. Because of the tragedy, she has to be separated from her mother, boyfriend and her hometown, Jakarta. It has been ten years that she tries to repress all feelings and memories related to the tragedy. She is almost there to establish a new life by becoming a café singer in Malaysia. However, one by one, persons around her past life appear and remind her of the tragedy. First, appears the one who helped her after the tragedy and brought her to Malaysia. He is raising her son, whom she feels suspicious at that the boy is the result of the tragedy (raping?). Follows the appearance of Antares, his former boyfriend, whom she blamed for her experiencing the tragedy. He was late to fetch her on the day of the tragedy, for he had to make a documentary about the situation then. In other scenes, May’s mother, forced to leave her house and town and now settled in Malaysia being a waitress in a food vendor, meet again with Gandang, to whom she had sold the certificates of her house and other belongings. Later on, he pay back the house and give it back to her in the same condition as she left it. The flashback to the past begins. It becomes clearer how those fragments come together to make up the whole story.

As May comes to be involved once again with her past, she finds out some new things about the tragedy. It turned out that the boy she gave birth is actually her son with Antares. Antares himself comes to her to confess all his faults and asks her once again to live with him. It is his LOVE to her that smoothens her heart and helps her to get reconciled with her past to accept what have happened and start a new life with a new hope for the future. In the end, May’s mother and May live happily with Antares and their son in their old house.

Despite this “so sweet” ending, which I think far from the reality, this movie is so worth watching. Many won’t agree that the stories of the victims of the tragedy end as sweet and happy as this movie does for it is not that easy to deal with such a painful and sorrowful past. For some, it might be a trauma. This movie can help, however, to see the tragedy from the victim’s point of view and get more clear pictures about it. They won’t be complete, but upon watching it, we will be triggered to find out more information and data so that we get more and more comprehensive view about the tragedy.

2008-05-13T09:19:00.001-07:00

Akhirnya, setelah lama mengidam-idamkan untuk dapat pergi ke Muara Angke, hari ini hal itu kesampaian. Bersama dengan Ferdi, Okta, Lesnanto, Nardo, Adri, dan Thomas, aku pergi ke sana, bermaksud melihat kegiatan yang dilakukan di sana. Begitu menghirup udara asin dan amis Angke, aku langsung teringat Navotas. Memang tak jauh beda. Hanya saja, mungkin orang-orang di Navotas lebih miskin daripada di tempat ini. Segera kami menuju ke sebuah madrasah kecil di samping masjid, tempat diadakannya kegiatan belajar bersama. Aku diperkenalkan dengan seorang pendamping anak-anak di sana. Awalnya, kami hanya melihat-lihat, sambil bermain dan bercanda dengan anak-anak yang menunggu giliran kelas mereka. Adri yang membawa kacang membagikan kacangnya.

Ketika anak-anak kelas IV masuk, kami diajak masuk serta untuk memperkenalkan diri dan mengadakan permainan. Adri langsung beraksi. Kami bermain bersama dan bergembira. Usai permainan, aku keluar. Di luar, aku menyapa anak-anak lain yang berada di beranda masjid. Kami segera menjadi akrab dan mulai bermain. Kegembiraan bermain bersama anak-anak kecil ini mengingatkanku pada anak-anak Musmos di Cubao. I missed them. Spontanitas yang ditunjukkan anak-anak Angke ini, serta keterbukaan mereka menerima kami yang bukan apa-apa mereka, yang adalah orang asing bagi mereka, sangat menyentuhku. Memang aku tidak dapat memberikan apa-apa, karena justru mereka yang memberiku semangat dan kegembiraan.

Sent from Yahoo! Mail.
A Smarter Email.

Animal Farm: the Failure of Communism

2007-03-31T08:14:00.000-07:00

(a short impression)

Unlike The Great Gatsby, Animal Farm is really interesting reading for me. When I read it, I could not even put it down until I realized that I had finished it in two days. I was curious about what was going to happen with Napoleon, Snowball, Squealer, Boxer, and the Animal Farm itself. The writer is really a genius. He made me get stuck to the story and absorbed by it. This satirical novel is really well-written, and directly pointed into the target. The symbols used in it make me reflect and think a lot about communism and its failure.

Throughout the whole novel, I can see that Animal Farm symbolizes the USSR (Russia). And the names of the figures there also refer to real persons in history related to the Russian Revolution. This novel shows the irony of communism, which really has a great and positive purpose, which is to provide prosperity to the people. However, the idea turns bad when it results in dictatorship and authoritarianism.

The writing of Animal Farm is very fluent and beautiful. George Orwell arranges the events in the story almost as in real history. Therefore, I could follow the flow of the story well and imagine the setting. He described everything vividly, so that I could even believe in everything in the novel that seems impossible. For example, when it is said that Snowball fights Jones so bravely, the readers will easily believe it, while it is almost impossible for a pig to even think like those in the Animal Farm. The words used in the novel are rather simple and understandable, unlike what Fitzgerald used in his novel, The Great Gatsby. Still, there are some political terms that are used to emphasize the context and satirical meaning.

It is said in the introduction that the novel can be categorized as a fairy tale because of the tragedy it contains. The tragedy is that the dream of communism and equalitarianism among the animals never comes true. While reading, I became very angry with Napoleon and his ‘men’, and at the same time support the efforts of Snowball. I was hoping that Snowball would come back to power or the suffering animals would come up with a rebellion so that they can take over the power and live happily in Animal Farm, as Old Major had dreamed. However, the story ends without any explanation about the end of the Animal Farm. But, I can conclude that it ends terribly: the animals suffer under the dictatorship of Napoleon, which is eventually not different from human beings.

The idea of Communism is in fact a great and perfect idea for the best society, because it is based on the sharing of everything. There are no personal belongings. If we look back to the history of the Church, the early Church actually practiced this way of life. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. (Act 1:44-45). They were happy with this way of life. I think this kind of farm (society) is what the Old Major dreams about. Everyone works, eats, shares in the same proportion. No one steals, no one corrupts, no one is jealous of each other. In Animal Farm, however, because of lust and greed in some people, this idea becomes a boomerang for them. The failure of the idea of communism is on the human factor (or in the novel, animal factor). The idea itself is flawless, but those who are trusted to carry out this idea are so selfish and lustful. After gaining some power, they want more and more. First, they want freedom from Jones, and they get it. Even in the early days after the revolution, this lust is already obvious through the loss of the milk. Then, Snowball and Napoleon began to spread their influence toward the animals to gain some more power. Napoleon grabs the ‘education’ of some young puppies so that his power is supported also by the physical strength of his personal bodyguards. It continues until eventually the pigs become undistinguished from human beings.

The saying “All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others” summarizes the story of this novel. At first, it was “All animal are equal”. At first, there is a glorious desire of a perfect and prosperous farm. Eventually, there are some animals who suffer from the hardship of work, while some enjoy the power they have by drinking, playing cards, and whipping others to work harder.

Who knows? Who cares?

2007-03-06T08:36:00.000-08:00

(a short reflection on movie Nobody Knows/Dare mo Shiranai)

The Movie, Nobody Knows, depict the life of two boys and two girls of one mother and different fathers who are abandoned by their mother and have to live by themselves. Anak depicts the life of two sisters and one brother, whose mother leaves them to work abroad as a domestic helper. Unlike the children in Nobody Knows, these children are are cared for by their uncle and aunt. Watching these movies, I was moved and almost cried, especially as I realized that this situation still happens in our world today.

The title of the movie is Nobody Knows. It suggests that few people or even no one wants to know and care about these abandoned children. In certain sense, this is true. In this selfish and individualistic world, fewer people want to care about their unfortunate fellows. They tend to think about themselves first before thinking of others.

What does it mean to be Jesuit in this era? It means to pay attention more to those who are in need. And I think, since the number of abandoned children is getting more and more, they are one of those who are most in need. In Nobody Knows, first of all, they need money to support them economically. This is their first and primary need. However, we cannot help them in this problem. We cannot give them money, no matter how big their need is. We can help them through the rich people who we can approach to ask them to help these abandoned children. Secondly, they need comfort. They are children lacking parental love. They may also have some psychological problem caused by their being abandoned by their parents. In this kind of problem, we can and must help them.

Indeed, we are called also to do service for them. If there is no one who wants to help them, then it is then it is our vocation as Jesuits to help them because they are most in need. One example of this is when Fr. Pedro Arrupe founded JRS. He saw at that time that refugees are those who are in most need. They needed an organization totake care of them, economically and psychologically. To be sharp in intuition and analysis like Fr. Arrupe is what we need as a Jesuit. We have to be able to read the signd of the time in order to see those who are in most need. Therefore, an ability to reflect on recent situation in the world is highly needed.

What I can do now as Jesuit in formation is to train my self to reflect upon my circumstances and find out who are my fellows who are most in need. I can’t do a lot in helping those abandoned children, but I can give comfort to the children in my apostolate. I can also be compassionate with some poor people who often come to this house. I might not be able to help a lot, but I can train myself to be in sympathy and compassion with them.

IHS

2007-02-25T06:18:00.000-08:00

My own picture. I made it with Corel Draw 10 and Adobe Photoshop 6.o. Not perfect yet, but I'm gonna use it for my blog template. The inspiration comes from a monogram in the door of Building D chapel of Arrupe International Residence.

The Great Gatsby

2007-02-15T14:55:00.000-08:00

When I read The Great Gatsby for the first time, I had a hard time to understand it. Therefore, I read only the first two chapters and stopped reading. I didn’t have any idea about what I had read at all. For me, it’s not interesting as well. And up to then, I wasn’t able to understand or appreciate it. But, then Fr. Bill explained the cultural background of The Great Gatsby, the symbols used by the writer, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and some initial chapters. I became more interested on it and on later reading, I was able to understand and appreciate it.

When I was getting interested in this novel, I really got the spirit to read and read this novel. Sometimes, I still find some difficulties in understanding what the writer wanted to say, but I also found that Fitzgerald is really a great writer. He used many symbols in The Great Gatsby, such as Daisy’s voice, which is described as an identification with money. He is able to express many ideas only in single short sentences. He knows how to use words effectively, yet efficiently.

The ending of the novel is not the same as I expected, for I was guessing that the novel would end happily. I’d prefer it ends like this: Daisy divorces Tom and marries Gatsby; Tom marries Myrtle; Nick marries Jordan, and they live happily ever after. But it doesn’t. Myrtle and Gatsby die, Jordan goes with another man, Tom and Daisy move out from Long Island and live their life which is artificially happy, and Nick continues his lonely life. Maybe Fitzgerald believes the American Dream or the pursuit of happiness never comes true, especially for those from the high economy class, even for him. Therefore, he makes it also never to come true for these people. What comes to them is a superficial and artificial happiness, and fun at the parties, a luxurious life and such.

The Great Gatsby reflects the culture in the United States at the time when the novel was written. Jay Gatsby represents the new rich group. He comes from the low economy class, but all of a sudden he becomes The Great Gatsby, rich and prosperous, proud and famous, and chasing Daisy, the only woman he wants. Daisy and Tom, Nick and Jordan Baker are also from the high economy class. They all together pursue the so-called American Dream, which never comes true for them. What eventually happens is that their lives are ruined by the American Dream itself. They live an empty and shallow life, so that nothing fulfills their happiness. Their prosperity, wealth and richness cannot buy happiness for them.

An error has been found on your life!

2007-02-12T19:10:00.000-08:00

Indifference, Simplicity and Perseverance

2007-02-12T18:58:00.000-08:00

(a short reflection on movie Beijing Bicycle)

"Beijing Bicycle" depicts the lives of two young men, Guei and Jian who both come from the low economic class. Guei is a simple man coming from countryside, rube and is uneducated, while Jian is an educated one, a man of modern times and up to date. But, both are poor and consider a bicycle as a precious thing to have. Therefore, when the bicycle, which both of them consider as theirs, gets lost, they try every attempt to regain it.

Indeed, the bicycle is only a means to gain the main aim. It’s like all creation in the face of the earth which is created to support us to gain the aim we are created, that is, to glorify our Creator. For Guei, the bicycle is a means to earn money for his life. So, we can say it’s his life. Without it, he can’t earn money and can’t live. For Jian, the bicycle is a symbol of his status. He needs it in order to be accepted by his friends and to approach a girl in his school, Xiao. Both use it for different aim. It’s good that Jian realizes that the bike is merely a means. He eventually gives up the girl he fancies when she goes with another man. He gives the bike to Guei who is still clinging to the bike as the most precious thing he has. He forgets that the bike is only a means to earn money. There are many other ways and means to live and to earn money. In other words, Jian is more indifferent than Guei. In some ways, I like the characteristic of Jian for his indifference to let the bicycle go and not to cling on it any more. In other ways, I like also Guei for his simplicity in life.

As I reflect on this movie, I find that I have to be like Jian in the way that he is indifferent and aware that there are many ways, not only a bicycle, to gain his aim. Indifference is important in my life as a Jesuit because it makes me detached from everything, which are only means for pursuing the end. As result, I can focus on the main purpose, and not to be distracted by the means. Like Jian is indifferent, I must be able to distinguish what means are for and what the main purpose is.

From Guei, one thinks of emulating is his simplicity. Being simple keeps him in a way that he remains protected from the culture of the city. I think it’s important for me to be simple for Jesuits are supposed to available to be sent everywhere. Hence, I must be able to adjust myself to the culture of the place where I am sent. But, not all aspects of culture are good to adopt. Usually, there are some parts that must be avoided. To avoid it and not to be drowned by the stream of the culture, I must be simple. By this, I mean I must be able to keep my own culture and try not to be uprooted from my own culture. Another thing I learn from Guei is his perseverance. He is so confident that he is sure to find his lost bicycle. And he tries his best to find it. His persistence led him to find his bike. He is really a persevering person. Day and night, he looks for his lost bike. I reflected on this and learnt that he is so eager to find his bike because he loves it and treasures it. Therefore, to persevere in something I must love and treasure it beforehand.

Finding God in All Things and Spiritualism

2007-02-08T16:16:00.000-08:00

Last night, I was listening to the radio. There was a girl telling a story about her and her boyfriend that they are in conflict. However, this girl said that God must have arranged all for her and her boyfriend. So, she would just let it go and happen as God’s will. It seems good to think of God in that kind of situation. But, is it really good to always identify everything with the will of God? Can God really be found in everything?

Finding God in all things is a good thing to do. There is, however, a danger to fall into spiritualism. So, what is the difference? When you try to identify everything you experienced with God or spiritual things, you fall into spiritualism. The Pharisees in Jesus era was one example of those who fall into it. They almost always criticized whatever Jesus and his disciples did and connected it with the Ten Commandments or The Torah. In this country, the Philippines, the chance for someone to fall into spiritualism much bigger because every day and every time, people here are nourished with spiritual things. They are so spiritual that almost all things are associated with the plan of God. The danger of it is that we may forget that we are given freedom to choose. God’s will is not always absolute. If we are so absorbed to the spiritualism, we will always think that everything is planned well by God and there is nothing to do with our will. In fact, God’s will and our freedom have 100% in the accomplishment of whatever we do and in whatever happens to us.

Now, what does it mean to find God in all things? It means to separate and distinguish human experiences with the divine one. In the divine experiences or experience of God, we will find God. That is Finding God in all things. We can’t say that all experiences we have are divine experiences. Therefore, to avoid falling into spiritualism, we should be able to distinguish human experiences and divine one.

Word Puzzle Generator

2007-02-08T16:11:00.000-08:00

Click on the image to generate your own word puzzle!

Flood

2007-02-08T16:08:00.000-08:00

Another flood engulfs Jakarta once more. This one is not the one of the yearly cycle but of the five-year cycle. Therefore, this year’s flood is much bigger than recent years’. It’s comparable to the on happened in 2002, five years ago. In the time of flood like this, all people are the same; they suffer the same hardship. At least, ten died and thousands of people are in the refugee, trapped in the flood, and not sure when they will be able to go to their homes. A question arises: Where is God in this situation? Is he watching the suffering of His creation? Or is He sleeping?

It’s really pathetic to see weak and poor people suffering. However, knowing that many people are helping each other and giving hand for the need of others gives me a distinctive happiness. Then, I found that there is God. God is in the hearts of people willing to help their unlucky fellows and neighbors, in their probity and magnanimity and in the love poured to those in suffering. There, God is present. He is the compassionate and helping God. He is NOT Sleeping. God is at hand.

Banjir

2007-02-08T16:00:00.000-08:00

Banjir melanda Jakarta lagi. Kali ini bukan yang siklus satu tahunan tapi yang lima tahunan. Akibatnya, banjir kali ini lebih besar dari tahun-tahun sebelumnya, dapat dibandingkan dengan yang terjadi pada tahun 2002, lima tahun yang lalu. Saat banjir seperti ini, semua menjadi sama, sama-sama menderita. Paling tidak sudah ada 10 yang meninggal, sedangkan ribuan orang terjebak banjir, mengungsi dan belum yakin kapan dapat kembali ke rumah mereka yang masih terendam banjir. Pertanyaan yang lalu muncul adalah di manakah Tuhan. Apakah dia hanya melihat saja penderitaan makhluk-makhluk ciptaan-Nya ini? Tidurkah Dia?

Melihat penderitaan orang-orang kecil memang menyedihkan. Namun, mengetahui bahwa ada banyak orang yang saling membantu dan mengulurkan tangan mereka untuk memberi bantuan kepada sesame mereka meski hanya semampunya sungguh membahagiakan. Dan, lalu kutemukan bahwa di sinilah Tuhan, dalam diri orang-orang yang rela membantu sesama mereka, dalam ketulusan hati dan kebesaran jiwa setiap orang berkehendak baik yang tergerak hatinya melihat sesamanya menderita dan dalam cinta kasih yang tercurah bagi mereka yang menderita. Di situlah Tuhan hadir, Tuhan yang pehuh belas kasihan dan bersolidaritas. Dia TIDAK tidur. Tuhan dekat di antara kita.

Life-giving

2007-02-04T22:08:00.000-08:00

(a short reflection on movie To Live)

The movie, To Live, depicts the life of a family in China in the 1940’s until 1960’s. At that time, the life there was very hard and this movie tries to present that kind of hardship. It shows how they struggle in order to live, how bitter it is for the parents, Fugui and Jiazhen, to witness their children’s deaths, and how happiness and sadness fill their life in turn. The movie ends when Fugui and Jiazhen, their son-in-law, Erxi, and their grandson eating together in happiness, after the father and the grandson have just finished put some young chicks into a box that used to be their puppet box.

In many cases, people die in order to give life to others, and some live because of the death of others. In this movie, it is very obvious that sometime, people have to die to give life to others. Many people died in a civil war, that Fugui and his friend, Chunseng are involved in. Those people died in order to give life to their people. Fugui and Chunseng are saved because other soldiers are killed. The death of Youqing, the son of the family, somehow also gives life to others. He always tries to defend his sister from some naughty kids. His death is considered ‘an offering’ (or sacrifice?) to Communism and Chairman Mao. Communal life suggested by the communism demands a lot of people’s lives. Fengxia, the daughter of the family, dies after she gives birth to her first son. And, in the middle of the movie, Chunseng gives him an amount of money since he knows that he is going to die.

For me, as a Christian, life-giving is not a new idea. Jesus himself is our model and example of person who gives his life for the life of all people. He gives his life so that human beings can live. He gave up his divinity and became human so that men can become divine. In my life as a Jesuit, life-giving is also not a new idea. Self-giving and life-giving, as an integral unity, can’t be separated from each other. What must we do to give ourselves and our lives? We must help and love others, and sometimes we must be ‘dead’ for others life. It means that to help others, we must be willing not to be popular or well known but merely o do for God’s sake. It’s supposed to make other people feel happy and helped. That’s one factor that keeps our life lively and meaningful. As a Jesuit, I find that by making people happy, by helping people, and by being ‘dead’ for others, I can endure my life as a Jesuit better. I can stand and enjoy my life, I am happy with it because I make others people happy. Giving life, being self giving and sharing have become my way of life and these support my life as a Jesuit.

The Glass Menagerie

2007-02-03T03:36:00.000-08:00

Glass Menagerie, a play by Tennessee Williams. It is a beautiful and meaningful play. It depicts the life of Wingfield family in Missouri. Amanda Wingfield, a widowed mother, lives with her two children, Tom and Laura. I will not tell the story of the play. Instead, I’ll tell my interpretation and reflection.

Amanda is a single parent after being left by her husband. She has to take care of her two children. She wants happiness for her family, especially for her daughter, Laura. However, she realizes that she may not be able to give happiness to her family for her joblessness and age. Therefore, she always recalls her sweet past memories when she was still young and charming, and many gentlemen callers would come and visit her. Eventually, her expectation doesn’t come true for her daughter’s gentleman caller is actually engaged to another woman. Besides, Tom leaves the family to follow his father’s step. These all fade the mother’s hope.

Tom Wingfield, a warehouse worker, is the younger children of Wingfield family. He is quite a selfish man. He wants a happiness, but mostly only for himself. Only after his mother asked him to do a favor to his sister, does he take an effort to make his sister happy seriously. He invites his work mate in the ware house to come and meet Laura. However, after her mother blames him for the fact that this man is engaged to another woman, Tom leaves the family and follows his father’s step. His habit to go to the movies is also a proof of his selfish characteristic and attempt to escape from his bitter reality. His pursuing of happiness is only for himself.

Laura is a crippled and shy woman. She has her own world, with her glass miniatures and a gramophone. Her glass menagerie also symbolizes her fragility and vulnerability. Her being cripple and her shyness are the vulnerable parts of her. symbolized by the breaking of her glass menagerie, however, all these vulnerability are broken by the coming of Jim O’Connor, Tom’s friend in the ware house and the person whom she admire in her high school for his voice. She is happy being loved and cared by Jim. She becomes normal like an ordinary woman which is symbolized by the breaking of the horn of her unicorn glass statue making it same as other horse statues. But, eventually, she becomes even more vulnerable after knowing that Jim is engaged.

As I reflect on the play, I find these three main figures symbolize human beings. Everyone has desire to be happy, just like Amanda does. Usually, however, not being abele to achieve it, people tend to look behind their past, recalling the past sweet memories and live in it. Tom represents human lust and selfishness. He wants happiness too, but mostly only for himself. We can’t deny that in everyone, there is an egoism leading to the pursuing of selfish happiness. While Laura’s characteristic symbolize defects, lacking of self confidence and imperfections everyone has. To be a happy person, one needs not only a desire or willing, but one has to also overcome one’s selfishness and defects.

Sloganizer

2007-01-31T04:16:00.000-08:00

Play Life, start living.
Heal the world with Life.
Have a break, have a Life.
Life is my passion.
Life - be ready.
Create your own slogan with sloganizer!

Contemplative in Action

2007-01-29T18:45:00.000-08:00

"Rabbi, are you meditating or sleeping?" a Rabbi was asked by one of his disciple.

"I prefer that people think I am sleeping while I am meditating, think I am working while I am sleeping and think I am meditating while I am working."

Sand in Your Hand

2007-01-29T18:34:00.000-08:00

Love is like sand in your hand. The more you try to grasp it and posses it, the more you will lose it. Squeeze and you will spill it. But, hold it loosely and it will remain there.

In love and any kind of relationship, the more you try to grasp it tightly and possesively, the more you'll lose it and spill it. So, hold it loosely with respect and freedom for the other person, and your love and relationship will remain intact.

Tombstone

2007-01-26T19:44:00.000-08:00

Wanna die? Get your own tombstone here!

Online Planetarium

2007-01-26T19:41:00.000-08:00

Click on the image to see the night sky in your screen!

David Lanham Portofolio

2007-01-26T19:38:00.000-08:00

Click on the image to view beautiful arts by David Lanham!

Kakophone

2007-01-26T19:35:00.000-08:00

Click on the image to generate your own ringtones!

Let them sing it for you

2007-01-26T19:29:00.000-08:00

Type some words there and let them sing it for you.
Click on the image to try!

Discipuli Christi

2007-01-26T19:25:00.000-08:00

When Jesus called his disciples, he called those who were close to Him (or at least want to be close to Him) and those who are eager to be sent for mission. Moreover, they are called into a community to build each other. We, Jesuits, are Jesus’ disciple of the present time. What does it mean to be Jesus’ disciple for the present time?

First of all, we are called to be close to Jesus himself. To be disciples and companions of Jesus, we need to be close to our leader Jesus, so that we can move and act accordingly to the movement and action of our leader. To be close to him help us to understand God’s will easily for that’s our aim in life and Jesus always did the will of God. Moreover, Jesus Himself who chose us and it’s not we who chose Him, just like the disciples did. We might not be very close to Him, for sure. But, that’s not important. The more important thing is whether we are willing to open ourselves to be closer to him or not. To be the real disciples, we have to open ourselves to be closer to Him. Peter, the leader of the disciples, in his early discipleship was not close to Jesus anyway. But, eventually he was, for he was willing to open Himself to be changed and to be closer to Him.

Secondly, to be Jesus’ disciples is to be sent for mission. It means that we are to be dispersed in small groups or even individuals. We are supposed to leave the warmness of our community and engage the danger and risk of mission. In this case, availability to be sent and moved everywhere is needed. Availability is an engagement to the vows of poverty and obedience.

Thirdly, we are called to a community. Community is part of our mission as Jesuits. Beside to be called to a mission, we are called also to build a community, where we gain the confirmation of our mission. We bring and share the consolation and desolation we get from the mission to the community. By sharing and exchanging experiences, we confirm each other’s vocation.

T-Shirt Design

2007-01-25T08:09:00.000-08:00

A site to design your own T-Shirt.
Click on the image to design your own T-Shirt!

GEOGREETING

2007-01-25T07:49:00.000-08:00

A nice greeting from geogreeting.com.
Click on the picture to generate your own greeting!

Simple is Beautiful

2007-01-25T07:39:00.000-08:00

(reflection on Home Stay in Marikina)

This Christmas has been one of my best times in my Juniorate Program and one of the best Christmas in my life. One of its reasons is the Christmas Exposure in Marikina. This exposure made me learn more about Filipino, especially those of middle class. I learnt about how they spend their daily life during the Christmas and New Year’s break and about how simple but happy they are.

At first, I couldn’t feel the spirit of Christmas her in the Philippines. The secularity of Christmas and a lot of fun in the way people here celebrate Christmas have tarnished the spirit of Christmas on me. I was tired of many celebrations, funs and pleasures even far before the Christmas itself came.

The Christmas exposure, however, has turned my Christmas upside down. I stayed in a family with five members, all women. I felt like in my family, which are almost all women. They treated me very well also, as I am one of the members of the family. They also made me happy out of their happiness. When I went there I didn’t have that happiness. But, staying made me posses that happiness. On the first day, I spent one afternoon celebrating Christmas in the chapel. I was very happy playing and enjoying time with them. Before, I didn’t posses that happiness, that joy. Then, I realized that I liked the children very much. They have happiness and they shared to me. What a simple celebration but full of happiness!

One thing that me happy staying with the family is their simplicity. If they want, they can have a quite luxurious life. But, they only live their life simply. They also celebrate Christmas and New Years in simple way: not too much decoration, some foods, and drinks. It’s simple but enjoyable. And, I had a good time there.

Sometimes, I felt bored there. As I reflected on it, I realized that it was because during the Christmas and its preparation, I didn’t feel much the happiness and spirit of Christmas. I did have a lot of fun, but almost no joy. Since then, I began to distinguish fun and joy. I think what people here do for celebrating Christmas is more on fun. Joy and true happiness shall come from within. One thing that I couldn’t bear is that I missed my family, which was eventually a little bit filled by that stay in Marikina. Another thing is that I couldn’t bear the way people here celebrating Christmas. It was so noisy and almost identical with a lot of food, singing, dancing, and such. I don’t like them. But, I did like the one we had as community for Christmas, New Year and Kris Kringle. However, once more, this dislike was cured also by my stay in Marikina. My family celebrated the Christmas and New Year in a quite simple way. There was no noise and only few singing, dancing and drinking. I did appreciate this stay although its impression is not as deep as the one I had in Navotas.

Balance

2007-01-16T07:24:00.000-08:00

(a small reflection on movie Bad ma ra khahad bord)

Every spirituality develops in the minds and hearts of particular people as a response to the crisis of their age and culture. Jesuit spirituality also came from that typical situation. Ignatius’ age was an age of rottenness in the body of the Church and the opposition of Reformation movement towards the Church. Ignatius’ way to reform the Church was from within, one of which was to found the Society with his friends, while the Protestant’s way was from outside, that is by proclaiming its separation from the Holy Church . The politic and economic situation at that time was very influential to the development of Jesuits spirituality. As time passes by and the situation of the world keeps changing, our spirituality has been suited to those changes.

We live amongst many tensions, which oblige us to discern and choose one of those tensions to follow. In this age, we live between the challenges of poverty and the life style of hedonism, between the challenge of obedience and the era of democracy, and between the challenge of chastity and the culture of free fraternization. It’s undeniable that we live in this era or some of us are people of this era, and somehow we have to compromise with those secular tensions in order to serve better in our ministry. For me, however, the vow of poverty is most needed to balance ourselves from the danger of those secular tensions. In other words, to balance the simplicity of our life as Jesuits and the fast movement of the globalization era, we have to cling to our vows of poverty, obedience and chastity. We can adapt our life to the new life style of globalization era, but, on the other hand, we have to maintain the basic principle of our lives.

Religious people are needed in this era of globalization to do effective ministries and, at the same time, to maintain their virtues as religious. To do this, they need to adjust their spirituality to the demands of their time. The ability to read the signs of time, therefore, is highly needed.

So, what am I going to do now? Formation is a good time to learn how to balance the simplicity of our life with the fast movement of the globalization era. The participation of the formators in my formation is still influential, although I have also a freedom to develop the kind of formation going with me. Therefore, if there are still some errors in my efforts of balance these two aspects, I can still get a lot of advice and direction from the formators. Indeed, it’s a good time to nourish these virtues with the help of many seniors and formators. Otherwise, if I am not able to nourish it now, when I am not in formation anymore, it will be very difficult for me to start balancing my life between these two aspects. When that happens, I may endanger my vocation.

Man for Others

2007-01-02T20:57:00.000-08:00

(a short reflection on movie Life is Beautiful)

In the movie Life is Beautiful, Guido, through his jokes, his attractive attitude and laissez-faire bearing, shows how he understands life. The title of this movie implies that Guido really sees that life (at least his life) is beautiful, even when he is in a most difficult situation. Normally, people in a place like the camp concentration will feel very exhausted, sad, morose, or gloomy. This is what happens to the other people captured and placed in the camp concentration. But, unlike them, Guido tends to look always happy and pretends that nothing terrible happens for the sake of his son. He mirrors a person we called man for others for he doesn’t care about himself, but rather pays a lot of attention to his son.

Once, Ignatius as a General of the Society asked one Jesuit to give spiritual direction to some religious in Rome. This particular Jesuit refused to do so for he feared that by doing so he might endanger his vocation. Ignatius strongly admonished and reminded him not to think merely about himself but rather about those who need help. He mentioned the aim of the Society, which is, to save souls. This is what it means to be a man for others in Ignatius’ view. To be a man for others is to treat ourselves less importantly than others by surrendering ourselves into the hand of God and to put others in the highest priority. In the case of Guido, he forgets his tiredness, anxiety, and health in order to please his son and to free him from worrying about anything. He knows it will be very painful for his son to experience this discrimination and suffering. He wants his son to also experience that life is beautiful as he had experienced in his life.

As Jesuits, to be a man for others means to devote our life to loving, helping, and giving hope to others, especially those who are unloved, helpless, and hopeless. By doing so, we are supposed to be generous, that is, we are to give and not to count the cost, to fight and not to heed the wounds, to toil and not to seek for rest, to labor and ask not for reward. However, being a man for others doesn’t mean that one has to sacrifice himself by paying no attention to himself. A Jesuit has to nourish his life accordingly so that his vocation and his health are well kept. He has to make sure that by doing such kind of ministry he will not endanger his vocation and his health. Guido, when he chooses his wife and when he pours his joy to her and his son, doesn’t lose his joy because he knows that by doing so, he will be happy too. For him, happiness lasts longer if it also makes others happy.

Dolph - Operation Thule

2006-12-25T18:32:00.000-08:00

A cool game. click on the image to play!

Merry Christmas

2006-12-25T18:20:00.000-08:00

Click on the image to generate your own greeting!

Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire (Pt.9)

2006-12-22T16:47:00.000-08:00

my monster name

2006-12-17T07:37:00.000-08:00

Being Powerless

2006-12-12T21:14:00.000-08:00

(a small reflection on movie Ran)

The movie Ran revolves around the lusts for power among two of three sons of Hidetora, Taro, and Jiro. The movie ends with their tragic deaths, where they kill each other. Power has become a source of chaos (Ran) even among brothers and between father and his sons. Since having power is very tempting, how should we Jesuits deal with power?

Jesuits do have power. We know that. Where does that power come from? It does not come from money for we don’t have money to get such power, nor from the large numbers of our membership for it’s not comparatively a large number. It doesn’t come either from our intelligence for only some of us are really smart. I believe it comes from our effort to build trust. It has been more than 450 years since St. Ignatius and his companions began this great work that all of Jesuits around the world build on (or try to do so) this trust. It is because of this trust that we can last more than 450 years, work in many fields, and help millions of people. Above all, I believe that this power also come from God.

So, it’s inevitable that as a Jesuit we have (or will have) that power, whether we are aware of it or not. People, especially most of Catholics and those who know Jesuits, will admire and give Jesuits a special pace as a leader. Even as a priest or religious himself, we can obtain such a power. Now, since this power can be a great temptation, what am I going to do with this power? As a Jesuit, I have to deal with it wisely and I will do what a Jesuit should do. Power is only one of the means provided for us to reach the aim, that is, to help souls and glorify God.

It will not be fair if I use my power for myself, so the first thing to do is to share it by cooperating with other Jesuits, other religious and lay people. Then, I will use my power to raise funds for those in need and to invite more people to help others. In other words, I will try to use that power not primarily for my sake, but always for the sake of mission and glorifying God. For me, it sounds very idealistic and difficult. I realize that power may be a big temptation. For now, I want to learn to be humble so that when I have such a power I will not misuse it, but utilize it according to our way of proceeding. In the Society, superiority means service. This is what I want to learn from this time for formation is the best time to learn and to nourish many virtues, especially, that of humility and obedience.

A characteristic of a good superior is that the more he has, the more he serves and the humbler he is. Also, he will feel that he is not powerful, but rather powerless for he realizes that God is above all. Therefore, such a superior will always surrender himself to God and let God guide him in making use of his power. I want to be a great leader like that: having power, but at the same time being powerless, admired but also humble. In formation, there are many opportunities to serve others as a leader, and I will try to do my best in learning how to be a good superior.

Superiority means service

My Talent(s)

2006-12-12T21:12:00.000-08:00

(a small reflection on movie Billy Elliot)

For me, Billy Elliot is an ideal example of a person who dares to be different in order to explore his talent and pursue his goal by doing something he considered right one. On the other hand, people tend to choose anything that people choose for them. He wants to make his father, his brother, his grandmother, and, of course, his mother happy. To do this, he can be a boxer and follow his father’s will. But, how about him? Will he be happy with his father’s choice? Realizing this, Billy changes his mind. He decides to be a ballet dancer since he found that there is where his heart and that is his talent. He is sure that becoming a ballet dancer will make him happy

God makes me for a purpose, which I am sure will be realized as a Jesuit. But, He also makes me for other purposes. However, up to now, I can’t find exactly what these purpose are. I realize that I am good and fast in learning something. I can learn something fast if my heart is really there. In other words, I really like it and look forward to it. For example, I have been learning the guitar for more than five years, but I have never really been able to play it. On the other hand, I have never learnt about the computer formally, and yet I did learn to use it by myself. Now, I have mastered some programs and know how to run them.

With some talents, and the certitude that I am called to be a Jesuit, I want to dedicate what I have for my Society. But, this is not that easy since I don’t know myself entirely. Sometimes, only others can see that I am good at something because I just do it without thinking that it is special. Therefore, what people have said about me makes me think about my talents and my defects, and I realize that there is something I can dedicate to my Society to realize purpose God made for me. Since I joined the Society, I have been training to know myself better, both my abilities and my defects, so that I may have a wider overview about myself.

When I was a child, I used to want to be a teacher. But, after I joined the Society, I have lost that desire. Now, I just want to be a humble priest in a small parish mostly because I am afraid that popularity may make me proud and haughty, yet I realize now that it is up to the Society about how I am to serve the Lord. From now on, I want to use my ability and talent, especially in academic field to learn many things in order to serve better. If the Society wants me to be a teacher as I had wanted to before, than I want to prepare it by studying and using my talents to the fullest.

God gives, but we must accept.

Youth Ministry

2006-12-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

(a small reflection on movie Oliver Twist)

Jesuit ministry today covers many areas, most of which are in the area of education for young people, especially teenagers. For me, this priority is not unreasonable for one’s teenage years is the phase when young people absorb a lot of things from adults that will affect their lives in the future. Jesuits see this good chance and potential and try to explore it. But, the problem is that a good education demands a high cost of expenses so that not all young people are able to get a good education. Throughout the ages, we can see that most of the time, Jesuits provide good education can only be afforded by the middle and higher classes. How about the poor? They need good education too, but they can’t afford it.

Jesuits are supposed to do their ministry freely, without any cost. It is our way to be able to give good education to those who cannot afford it. Another way to help them is to propose cross payment. Those who are rich pay more for those who are relatively poor. In this way, can solve the problem and lighten the cost of the poor people have to pay. However, it’s not an easy task for us Jesuit to invite them to do so.

From my experience of dealing with the poor people, it is not easy to approach them. They claim to have their own world and consider us as the higher class who evade them. But, once we can approach them and be accepted, we will win their hearts and easily give them the education or understanding we want them to know.

Education has been one of the Jesuits ministries which is interesting for me and makes me choose the SJ to join. But, so far, I find that the work for and with poor people is more challenging. Besides, I can also combine them, working with poor people and giving them education. In this case, I will do the same as what I have mentioned above. I will take no cost for my work for the poor and try to make the rich help the poor. I will also plant in their hearts the seeds of understanding the importance of helping each other. Hopefully, when they gain success, they will always remember to help others, especially the poor. I think it is a more important lesson for them besides the better education they receive because of this will help them understand the cause of their poverty and how to overcome it. So the point is to encourage them so that it is they and not we who raise their lives for we can only empower them.

My Legacy

2006-12-12T21:07:00.000-08:00

(a small reflection on movie Mr. Holland's Opus)

In the movie, Mr. Holland wants to make a great symphony that he hopes will be well known by the world and place his name among the famous composers. But, it seems that it will never happen. However, his work as a teacher brings him to an understanding that he is a great composer of a greater symphony than what he hoped, that is his students. He was very successful in encouraging them to find their lives, their strengths, and their way in living out their lives. At first, he didn’t realize this particular legacy, for he considers it as his responsibility only as a teacher and not as great work.

I also have a desire that I will leave something behind when I leave this community. I hope that after I leave this community, its members will remember me, not for my faults, my mistakes or my bad habit but for my testimony, my good example, and my life here. I hope my life here can be an inspiration and a good example for the others. I want to live my life here according to the Jesuits’ way of life, so that I can help this community live its life better by not only giving good example but also, if it’s needed, by reminding them of our appropriate way of life as Jesuits.

The movie, Mr. Holland's Opus, reminds me that leaving a legacy or becoming popular is not the main purpose of someone’s life. The purpose of my life is to follow The Great Hand, which led me according to His will. It’s just like Mr. Holland, who unwittingly does God’s will through his teaching, which encourages his students to be confident in their lives. I reflect that what I am to leave for Arrupe should be like Mr. Holland’s legacy. He might try every attempt to leave behind a symphony as his legacy, but at last he realizes that his greatest symphony is his students. Therefore, I will do my best to leave something by knowing and realizing what God really wants me to leave to this community.

For now, I think I have done quite well during the first semester, but I realized that I can do better in the next semester, whether it is in community, study, apostolic or spiritual life. I hope that from this goal, I can find something I can leave behind to this community, not merely as legacy but mostly as a remembrance of me. So, I am not thinking of leaving any legacy but a memory that this community will always remember me by good things I did and I will do here.

My Cyborg Name

2006-12-11T01:58:00.000-08:00

Get Your Cyborg Name

Blessed are You, Poor…

2006-11-11T23:33:00.001-08:00

A small reflection on Navotas Exposure

I stayed in Escarial Family, just next to Alex’s family. We are in the same big family name: Escarial, but my mother is Nora while his is Vilma. There are eleven of them in my family, Mr. Bokbok and Mam Nora, with seven children (Rhuel, Romel, Roli, Runa, Rosell, Anying, and Aron), a daughter-in-law, Bebe and one grandson, Romer. We live in Pitong Gatang, an area in the seaside. Our house is above the sea, with the dirty water full of garbage below us. It’s quite different from what I had imagined before, yet better. I have a special room for myself and there is a CR, even if it’s in the same room with kitchen. It’s good enough for me.

My Family live on gathering sea shells and on fishing. And they seem not to be bothered or disappointed when their source of living was washed away by the typhoon. This great attitude amazed me and made me reflect that they may have realized that God will provide for them their daily need. It is God who gives them seashells for their living, so it will be alright if He takes it. From this evidence I really feel that God is close to them. He is in their daily life. I can also find God’s presence through their kindness in welcoming me. They have no fear and no worry in accepting me to their house. Their courtesy is amazing, that they want to give the best to me, even if they almost cannot afford it. As soon as I arrived to the house, my mother asked me what my favorite foods are. Then, I was invited to go with her to the market to buy some fishes and meat for dishes. Then, almost everyday I was given some food that I like such as chicken, fish, pork, and so on. Their willingness to give even though they don’t have enough for them always amazes me. It shows me the presence of God in their daily life. Through the recollection we held on Monday, October, 30^th, I also discover that most of the children are aware of God’s presence in their lives. They have simple yet deep reflections about it, and it flows through their attitude and faith. The longer I stayed with them, the deeper I fell that they aren’t poor. On the contrary, they are rich in kindness, in generosity, in faith, and in spirit. From their faith, I learn that they really believe in God’s providence for they seem not to be worried about tomorrow. One thing I noticed is that when I stayed with them, I never saw Mr. Bokbok went for gathering seshells, yet there is still something for us to eat. This is amazing. Where did those foods come from? This faith also made them not to be too worried when their source of living was washed away by the typhoon. What a great faith.

I had no special assignment for my family from the PPF. My own agenda was to experience their poverty and learn from their faith. My fear before this exposure is only that I cannot eat Filipino food and I might disappoint them. But, that didn’t come true. I could eat what they gave me. Even for me they cooked better than Arrupe cook do. Actually, I couldn’t really experience their poverty, for they always tried to give the best for me. I can’t say that they are poor because they have electricity, television, DVD player and sound system. They have a small shop (sari-sari store). But, I have a great experience of their richness, their abundant love and kindness.

At first, I felt not very comfortable with the house and the surroundings, but the kindness of the family members give me a good feeling. Soon I felt at home and comfortable. Everyone is kind and welcoming me. Although their English is limited, but they tried to speak to me in English as they can. Even two youngest children, Anying and Aron, kept asking me in Tagalog for they didn’t know that I can’t speak Tagalog. I used to play with them, and learn how to speak Tagalog a little from them. As my family is away, I also felt as they are my family and as I am still young, they also treat me as one of their children (their eldest children is 20). The problem of language is one of the problems that I had there. Yet I can still communicate with them, whether by simple English, simple Tagalog or gesture and it made the conversation more funny and interesting. As a result, I learned some new Tagalog words and forms of speech.

One girl in our neighborhood seemed to be interested in me. She told me that she liked me and asked me not to be a priest. I said thank you that I am still lovable, but I still wanted to be a priest. For me, so far nothing is bigger than my desire to be a priest. But, I am also aware of that kind of temptation and need of such affection in my mind. Therefore, I said thanks to her for loving me. But, it’s not because of her that I started this journey, so that it’ll not because of her that I will stop. It’s because of God that I started this way of vocation, so that for His reason only I will stop.

For me, this experience is the second one. When I was in Minor Seminary, I once stayed with a poor family in a village. This kind of experiences helps me to understand in a better way and closer observation the poverty around me, how they live it and how can I do a mission to them. Such poverty can be only felt by experiencing and being involved in it. This experience helps me build the sense of sympathy towards the poor, so that I know how to help them. Different kind of poor people have different struggles and problems. Those in Navotas, I think, are struggling against nature, for example typhoon, which is very significant to their lives; against the rich because they are aware that they are poor when the rich don’t want to share their richness. But, I learn also that they have love, faith and hope. They love others above all, they have faith that God will provide for them, and they have hope that in the future their life will be better. These love, faith and hope make me surer that I can help them, that I should have hope and faith also, just like them, and above all that I should also have love toward them just as they have loved me during my stay in Navotas.

The Importance of Knowing Who I am

2006-11-11T08:59:00.000-08:00

(a small reflection on movie The Importance of Being Earnest)

For years I have been trying to discover who I am because it is very important to help me make important decisions in my life. By knowing my deeperself I can distinguish more clearly whether a desire comes from my psychological needs or my good will. To tell you who I am isn’t an easy task for me, not only because I am quite an introvert but also because I haven’t known my personality completely.

I know myself firstly from the people around me who keep telling me who I am. Some first impressions are that I am a quiet person, not talkative, shy and passive to begin any conversation, and not at all friendly. That’s true. The first time I meet a person, I will be like that. In fact, the impressions of my old friends tell more accurately my personality. For them, I am humorous, funny, friendly, faithful, smart, eager to help others, easy to forgive, patient but lazy, nervous and shy. What people tell me about what I am makes me recognize myself and reflect on it. If it is good, I will try to maintain it, but if it is not so good, I will make it better.

People around me help me to recognize myself better and to ameliorate my weak point. I am what people tell me because some of these suppositions are true and because they help me to reduce my bad character.

I was born with my unique appearance and character which make who and what I am. Therefore, I have my own characteristics, some of which I have known for some time. I am an ambivalent person, shy at first, but friendly later on: sometimes, prefer being lonely, while in other times want to be with my friends. I am a lazy person who prefers doing trivial things more than important one, but I am sometimes eager to work hard. I am a humorous person although sometimes I can be serious.

As I reflect on what I have encountered about my self, I find that I can show different characteristics according to the situation which I am in and my intention when aiming for goal. It’s not a deviation but an adjustment so that I can go with the situation. In different situations, I need to adjust my attitudes and behaviors in order to be able to have a dialogue with the particular situation. In mission, this adjustment is also needed for more effective ministry and satisfactory result. Different kinds of characters don’t mean that I have a split personality or I am full of pretence. As I reflect on it, it is an ability to adjust myself appropriately according to the situation and people I am with. But, I must acknowledge that I also have a tendency to wear mask in front of those who have legitimate positions, such as formators or my superior. This is one of my weaknesses. I realize it and try to make it up as well.

Frost spiral

2006-10-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

Can you see the hidden image?
Click the image to see more illusion!

Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything

2006-10-24T07:28:00.000-07:00

Nothing is more practical than finding God,
that is, than falling is love
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination,
will affect everything.
It will decide what will get you out of bed
in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read, who you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything.

PEDRO ARRUPE, S.J.

A Chance of Lifetime

2006-10-19T18:22:00.000-07:00

a review

The story of Chance of a Lifetime is about a courier girl named Helen Davies who took a group of tourists on a tour around Europe, from London to Istanbul. The plot flows as the journey moved from on country to another. The writer shows how the main figure, Helen, found new things in every country; also how she tried to approach and make every members of the group happy. She was interested in one of her clients until she found some strange coincidence which made her suspicious of him. The writer tries to hide some facts in the story to build a suspense which makes the story more vivid and interesting. The ending is just like a general suspense story. But, some readers may not expect this particular ending and suppose that in the end, Helen may find something making her happy, such as finding her love or making up her relationship with her former boyfriend, Tom. The ending is quite common as two of the tourists, Vic and Sarah, his girlfriend, who act like other tourists and pretend not knowing each other in the tour but sometimes act strangely, were caught in the airport for his fake passport. The writer has made this story a typical story which hides some facts or coincidences and comes up with a surprise in the end. However, the writer was successful in making it interesting, easy to read, and easy to understand.

The plot flows interestingly, showing the coherence and consequence from one paragraph to the next. But, sometimes, the writer cuts the story and continues with the next day. I think he wants to hide something to build the suspense and come up with everything revealed in the end of the story. The happy ending may be different from what the readers expect, at least from what I expected, but writers come up with different idea of happiness. The real happiness for Helen is not that she found her love, met a boy friend or such happiness, but that finally she found her life and her own choice to live it, and didn’t pin her happiness on a man any more.

The writer has built strong characters in the story, especially for Helen as she is the main figure. Helen is shown as a doubtful person at the beginning until her friend, Julia, gave her advice to find her happiness. Then, she began to think about herself, about her life and how to fill it, and so on. Not all the characters in the story have details in their description. Some are really well-described with details and through their saying or acting, but some are only little involved in the story so that they are not well-described. The description of Helen’s character is so clear that the readers may be on her side and hope that something good may happen to her. On the other hand, Vic’s and Sarah’s characters are described in an unclear way although they are shown as likely important figures in the story. Sometimes, the writer shows them as good persons, and sometimes as confusing ones. He did that to make the readers keep on wondering who actually they are, which lead them to read the story until the end.

I think this story is intended to be read in one reading, so that the writer has made it quite short, along with some illustration, but with an interesting plot making the readers unwilling to put it down before they finish reading it, a flowing narrative, light conversation and usage of easy-to-understand words. In other words, the writer intends to make this story as a light reading. Simple and short sentences, therefore, are often used in the story. The writer didn’t put many details on places and the situations surrounding make the story will be longer and more complicated. However, the descriptions in this story are still sufficient to sustain the wholeness of the story and to build the suspense and the interest of the readers. In the story, the writer also gives a lot of question, most of which are Helen’s towards herself. Then, we can find the answer through the happy ending. For me, the story was written in a narrative way with a lot of description and illustration. Therefore, only by reading the whole book and understanding the plot can we absorb the main points of the story. When I read it, I tried to guess the ending, but it was wrong at all. I had to read till the end to really know the writer’s thoughts.

Reflection on Julia’s Advice

Before Helen took the job from Global tour to bring the tourists around Europe, her friend, Julia, gave her advice to take it and to find her own happiness. For her, so far Helen’s happiness always depended on a man, Tom. From that moment, she began to think about it and finally she took the tour. Julia wasn’t wrong for Helen found a lot of joys, new experiences and many surprises, but above all, she found her life and how to live it.

For me, Julia’s advice is very good that I would give the same advice if were in her position. Since true happiness or joy come from oneself, someone cannot rely his happiness on someone else. It’s true that by finding his own life and how to live it, someone will find happiness more than he has found before. Freedom from boundaries and freedom to choose are the important things to find true happiness and freedom is gained by getting rid of all dependence on others. Self dependence and self confidence, as the results of freedom from boundaries, will make us free to choose our lives and how to live it.

My Decision to be a Jesuit

2006-10-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

To decide what you will be when you grow up is one of the most important think to do in your life because it will affect almost all your life very much and therefore you must prepare it well. At the age of eighteen, I have decided to become a Jesuit priest. It has become one of important decisions I had made. I decided to be a Jesuit priest because of two main reasons: to detach from my family and to live the more challenging and harder life. Since I had decided to be a priest, there were two kinds of priest orders for me to choose. One is Diocesan priest and another one is Jesuit priest. At that time, these are the only kinds of priest orders I have known.

For me, to be a priest is to serve totally God through others. Therefore, it is very important for me to detach from all kinds of attachments in order to be able to serve better. Since I realized that one of my biggest attachments is family, it will be very helpful for me to concentrate better if I can detach from my family. Diocesan priests are usually local priests, working more often in parish or in some categorical ministry. While Jesuit is an international order that allows me work in many distant places, even overseas. That’s why I choose to be a Jesuit and not diocesan.

I found that being a diocesan priest is not challenging enough for me. I can only work in a diocese, while Jesuits may be sent to many places and many countries. Diocesan’s lives also seem too easy and glorious. They enjoy having many things a good position in hierarchy. In other hand, I found Jesuit’s way of life is more challenging. They live in a different way of life, harder and more difficult. They are also sent to many places and countries.

So far, it has been two years since I joined the Society of Jesus and I really found the challenges that I had hoped before I joined her. I also find that I can really detach from my family better than before that I can concentrate on my study, my prayer and my life as a Jesuit.

This decision has also had many effects in my life, two of which are that I have become more independent and mature in enduring life and I have found more challenges in the Society of Jesus; however, becoming a Jesuit also makes me incapable of meeting my family as often as before.

One effect I have found after I had decided to become a Jesuit is that I become more independent and mature in enduring life. Being detached from my family has demanded me to live independently and decide everything by myself. It is a good effect for me since I have been hoping that I be able to be an independent person. That very reason made me choose to become Jesuit. By the discernment, the main way to make decision in the Society of Jesus, I can decide everything according to the way of life of Jesuits in which I am being incorporated.

As another effect, I have also found more challenges, something I look for by joining the Society of Jesus. In study, I have been challenged to find my own way of study and to be able and available to be sent for study wherever the Society wants me to go. In apostolate, works and helping peoples, which are the main ministry of Jesuits, I have been challenged to learn how to help people, to works as the member of the Society and to do apostolic works. I have looked for these challenges and I have found it in the Society of Jesus. This reason also made me choose the Society to join with.

However, joining the Society of Jesus has also an uncomfortable effect for me. Ii has made me incapable of meeting my family as often as before because becoming a Jesuit has demanded me to be detached from my family, physically and affectively. Physically, I have been and will be far from family for years. Affectively, I have to be detached from remembering now and after my family so that my study, apostolate and life in the Society will not be disturbed. However, I am sure that my family still and will always support me, especially by their prayer.

I consider all of these effects not as advantages and disadvantages or the goal and the risk but as a choice. The whole choice demands me to take the good effect as well as the uncomfortable one. So, my decision and choice to be a Jesuit includes these effects in it. For me, there is nothing to be regretted because I have chosen this choice. Now, it is time to look forward towards my goal, my future.

Apostolate and Community Life

2006-10-18T20:29:00.000-07:00

It has been more than three months since I joined the Musmos Cubao Apostolate. So, for me now it’s a good time to reflect how far I have been going and what I can get form this kind of apostolate. At first, I still couldn’t appreciate this kind of apostolate for there I can do nothing but playing with the kids and giving them the food we had cooked. But, being with them for three months, I learn many things from them and I feel that I had a good time playing with and talking to them.

At the first place, I learn that apostolate is not about giving something such as lecture or catechism, but mostly about being there (presence) and learn from those we are with. When one of us once was absent from this apostolate, many of the kids asked about him. They missed him so much. From that, I learn how important is our presence there for the kids. It makes me think and reflect on my community life that in community life I often neglect to pay attention whether someone is present or not. I usually ignore this important aspect of building a better community life. The problem is that I only pay attention on myself.

Secondly, I learn about fear and worry. At the first time I came to Cubao and meet the kids, I feel that they were so nice. They can easily go with me and they asked me to play with them as if they had known me for a long time. They have no fear, no worry, and no suspiciousness, whereas I was so afraid at that time that I wouldn’t be accepted in that area (Cubao). It makes me reflect also that often I still have fear and worry if I am going to be in a new community, and have suspiciousness when I meet new faces. That’s not the way of Jesuits for Jesuits must be available to be sent to any place at any time.

Thirdly, I learn something from our collaboration with the Musmos Group. Sometimes, after the kids were gone, we had some sharing. In this sharing, we usually share our burden, difficulties, haplessness, or desolation and our happiness, joy, or consolation as well. By this kind of sharing, we can confirm and encourage each other in order to give and receive, to lighten and to be lightened. This is also one aspect that should be in community life. To build a better community life, sharing meeting are needed, especially in order to lighten and be lightened.

The last, it’s not fair if I really do nothing or make no attempts for the kids in my apostolate. So far, I have learnt some Tagalog words and I want to learn more in the next semester so that I can talk and communicate more to the kids. That’s effort from my side, so that I can give but in the same time also receive.

Our Ministry is Jesus' Ministry

2006-10-11T22:12:00.000-07:00

(a small reflection on movie Dead Man Walking)

The movie, Dead Man Walking really gives me many inspirations and examples about ministry, an important thing for me who have chosen to live a religious life. For me, what Sister Helen did really shows how my life and ministry as a Jesuit should be. There are two points I want to reflect on Sister Helen’s excellent examples.

Firstly, I want to reflect on the fact that she chose a ministry avoided by others. For me, it really reminds and shows me the Jesuits’ way of proceeding, which was our way of life for many years. When other nuns, even other religious, avoided such ministries, Sister Helen involved herself deeply and totally to this kind of ministry. She really followed Jesus’ example to touch those who are untouched in the society. Some religious tend to choose ministries which make them famous and popular, work with people whom they are comfortable with, but we Jesuits are supposed to choose a ministry avoided by others. This time will be a good time for me to learn and train myself doing my ministry in this way because in Jakarta (philosophical study) I will not be able to be involved in any ministry until I am in my second year of Philosophy.

The second one I want to reflect on is about cura personalis (personal care) which was showed by Sr. Helen in the movie as she accompanied Matthew Poncelet. As she said, “I’m just trying to follow the example of Jesus, who said that a person is not as bad as his worst deed,” She really treated Matthew as a person who needed help while other people despised him as an animal. She didn’t look at what Matthew had done but at him as a human being who needed help. It is just like what Jesus did to the prostitutes and tax collectors. Those people, who were marginalized by society, are usually incapable of experiencing God’s love. And it is our duty to make them capable of it because that is one way to make them realize that their lives are meaningful. It is very hard for them to experience God’s love because their lives are usually very hard and their society usually does not accept them. Once we can do this especially through cura personalis, it will be quite easy to collaborate with them as helpers to their fellow human beings.

The important thing in ministry is that we should always follow Jesus’ example, draw our spirit and energy from Jesus and give up the final result to Him. Our ministry is not our ministry but Jesus’. It is very important to do our best, but it is more important to give up the result to the will of God. He who starts good works will continue and finish them.

I'm just trying to follow the example of Jesus, who said that a person is not as bad as his worst deed.

Indefinite Formation

2006-10-08T23:24:00.000-07:00

Today, Fr. Manny Flores, SJ and Fr. Ted Gonzales, SJ pronounced their final vows. It was a simple but great and solemn celebration led by Fr. Daniel Patrick Huang, SJ, the Provincial of Society of Jesus in Phillipines Province. In 1976, they joined the Society and only after twenty eight years, they finish their formations.

As I reflect on this occasion, I look at my vocation, and I see a long pathway leading to my final vows and to the end of my life. I cannot esteem how long my formation will be. Before my first vows, I was told that I was going to be sent to Pillipines for Juniorate program which means my formation wil be one year longer than thos in my batch who do not experience the Juniorate. That made me quite sad and upset, but I try to make up my mind that I might find new experinces in the Phllipines. It was four months ago. Now, as I reflect on my first three months here, I find that it’s not about how long my formation will be, but it is about how generous I am to the Society and the people, how deep I internalize the values and way of life of the Society, and how mature I am in study, apostolate, prayer and community life.

I belong to the Society though I haven’t wholly accepted, but maybe I havne’t had the sense of belonging to the Society. Therefore, formation will be my time to learn how to have this sense of belonging. Then as Fr. Manny said in his words after his vows, I can aslo say in my final vows that I belong to the Society and she belongs to me.

It’s not About Knowing, it’s About Experiencing

2006-09-28T17:36:00.000-07:00

Now Herod the tetrarch heard about all that was going on. And he was perplexed, because some were saying that John had been raised from the dead, others that Elijah had appeared, and still others that one of the prophets of long ago had come back to life. But Herod said, "I beheaded John. Who, then, is this I hear such things about?" And he tried to see him.

Herod only knew about Jesus from people saying who Jesus is. He didn’t’ know and experienced exactly who Jesus is, but he wanted to know who Jesus is. In catechism and Sunday school, I was taught and told that Jesus is the Good Shepherd, Bread of Life, the Way, the Truth and the Life, Jesus loves us, etc, but I didn’t really experience who Jesus is. For a long time, I had belived in people’s saying about Him. And I want to not only know but also experience who for me Jesus is.

Since I joined the Society of Jesus, I have been supposed to experience God. In my exposure, I always tried to experience God in many ways. I found that God for me is everything. He have been my friend, formator, savior, and companion, but in other hand, sometimes I feel he also disappoint me, make me angry or upset, and in a certain sense torture me only because I can’t understand his way of educating me. This new understanding and experience makes me realize that the true faith comes from this kind of experience, not from what people say. I experience God’s love after I recalled and encountered my past life and found that through my family and people surround me, He loves me.

Wounded Healer

2006-09-27T19:50:00.000-07:00

(a small reflection on movie Fisher King)

Everybody has traumatic experiences or wounds, either painful or not. To live a better life, one must heal his wounds by accepting weaknesses, forgiving those who made the wounds, and feeling forgiven for his big mistakes. I am also a wounded person. It means I am a weak person. How can I help people while I myself need help? This question made me uncertain that I can help people with so many wounds in my life. But, then I reflect on Jesus’ life. He was wounded and killed but precisely it is by his wounds all human beings are healed. He is the wounded healer.

I realize that my life should be like Jesus’ life. I was wounded by my past experience but I have been healed by Jesus through his wounds. I was healed by integrating my wounds with Jesus’. And now, it is my mission to help people as I have been helped by Jesus through others.

Some people may have the same problems or traumatic experiences (wounds). It will easier for them to solve the problem or heal the wounds together. There must be people who have the same problem or wounds as mine. Once my wounds have been healed, I can help others who have the same or similar problem (wounds). By sharing my experience and my witness, we can also help each other conquer problems and heal wounds.

Jack and Parry were wounded persons. But, by their wounds they healed each other. From being weak persons, they become strong persons because they help each other. Each of them fills the emptiness in his friend and they become whole. Jack is less, Parry is less, but together they are more.

I also recognize and understand my ministry as a wounded healer. I helped others because I have been helped by others and I would be helped more by others. Every time I went to Cubao for Musmos postulate, I always had a great desire to help the children there find their meaning of life, forget their bad experiences and heal their wounds. I always hoped that I can really help them. But, then I realize that it is me who was helped by them. They healed also my wounds that I can forget my worries and enjoy playing with them. We helped each other because the children and I realize that we need each other. No one feels more important than others. Therefore, equality is also needed in making such relationship work.

My Precious

2006-09-26T05:44:00.000-07:00

(a small reflection on movie Ray)

There is a joke about what the most important thing in human life is.

Five Jews changed the way we look at things:

Moses: The Law is everything

Jesus: Love is everything

Marx: Money is everything

Freud: Sex is everything

Then came Einstein: Everything is relative.

There are many precious things in my life, including life itself. Life is the first and biggest grace and gift from God. But, life is not the most precious one as Jesus himself have said, ”For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it”. And, as a Jesuit, I was also told that life is only a means to attain the goal, not the goal itself.

The second biggest grace to me is faith which makes my life is much more meaningful and not futile. What’s a life worth if there is no guarantee in the afterlife. But, thanks be to God, by faith in Jesus and his Church, at least I have a part in eternal life. How precious my life is because of faith and how precious faith is. I also consider that faith is more precious than life. Faith saves me, but life without faith has no meaning. If I was forced to choose between life and faith, I would choose the last one even though I have to lose my life. But, how about those who because of some reasons have no faith in Jesus and the Church? Are their lives still precious? This question makes me think once more about this. Indeed, their lives are still precious for some of them have love and they live their lives better than those who plead they have faith. Therefore, faith is not everything.

Is love everything just like what Jesus said? For a long time, I have thought so. But, then a story changed my mind. The story is about a couple of husband and wife who strictly supported anti-abortion. But, then a problem hit them. They had twin fetuses in the wife’s womb. One was female and another one is male. There was a problem with female fetus that could cause danger to the other fetus and the mother. Doctors suggested they abort the female fetus. After a long consideration, they decided to keep the baby alive. When the time came for the wife to give birth, the babies were born successfully. But, Anne, the female baby could only stay alive for 6 hours. However, her parents made a surprising decision to donor her organs to other babies who needed them to live longer. They called her as a heroine for her six-hour life had saved others’ lives. She doesn’t have love, but her life has a meaning. And, that’s more important than life, than faith, and than other things. Of course, her parents have the love that make she become a heroine for others.

Actually, this story makes me confused about the most precious thing in my life. Is it love or the meaning of life? After a long vacillation, I found that the one which must be my precious thing is the meaning of life because love itself gives my life meaning and love is always needed to make my life more meaningful.

So far, I found that the meaning of life is about self-giving as Jesus came to the world only to give himself to human beings. Following Jesus’ example, who gave himself out of love, I also considered self-giving as the most precious thing in my life. And, it will be quite easy to do if I have love.

For me, this idea looks very abstract. I am not sure I can really to do this. But, I hope so. At least, I have desire to do so. For me, in this time, it’s enough to have such desire to love and give myself as the most precious thing in my life.

TRUST

2006-09-26T05:39:00.000-07:00

(a small reflection on movie I am David)

To trust is to give a secret or something important and valuable to someone else and to ask for the other’s responsibility for them. The reason for trusting others is that someone can’t do everything by himself. He needs other people to help him, and for that, he needs to be sure that these people aren’t going to betray him. But, others also need to be sure that this person is also trustworthy so that by helping him, he may also help them.

Regarding the need of human being to trust others and to be trusted, it is very important for everyone to prove that he is trustworthy. This effort has become the most important thing in the world since human beings realize that good relationship with other people is unavoidable and, in fact, absolutely needed. Even among criminals, there is also a need of trusting and being trusted.

Unavoidably, I was born into this world, where trust is valuable and esteemable. So, willingly or not, I must build my trustworthiness in order to survive and live better. This awareness has been nurtured since my childhood. My parents always admonished me whenever I proved to be untrustworthy. Since that time, becoming a trustworthy man has been my effort to help people and mainly to be helped by others.

Some people are dishonest and not genuine, especially when they put an effort to be trusted by others. They cover up their weaknesses and pretend to be perfect in almost everything. They hope people will trust them very much. Some people may trust them for their good appearance. But, once people know their authenticity, especially what they covered with boasts and pretences, people will not trust them any more. In the movie I am David, this kind of person was represented by the baker David met. Toward David, he pretended to be courteous and kind to cover his suspiciousness. He pretended to want to give David bread in order to give him up to the police. But, fortunately, David knew his lie and trusted him no more.

The movie I am David also showed an other way of being trusted. That is to be honest and genuine. One of the people included in this group is Sophia. She was really kind and nice in an unfeigned way. When she saw David, she told him her impression on him, whether it’s good or not. Knowing that Sophia was honest and unlike the baker wore no mask, he began to trust her bit by bit. Sometimes, like the baker, I also pretend to be good, nice and sinless to make people trust me. But, then I realized that it makes everything worse for people wouldn’t trust me any more if they know the truth. For me, the second way is the best and I will try to do so. I will be honest to people, especially to the Society, about my strengths and weaknesses. Besides, I will also try to cover my weaknesses, not by boasts and pretences but by hard effort to accomplish whatever people entrust on me. Then, it is up to them to trust me or not.

There are some people untrustworthy. But more people are trustworthy.

Letter to all Juniors

2006-09-26T00:55:00.000-07:00

CURIA PRAEPOSITI GENERALIS SOCIETATIS IESU

TO ALL JUNIORS,

Dear Brothers,

On this good occasion, I would like to write a letter for all of you Juniors in the Society of Jesus, wherever you are. There is no special purpose for it, but I think it is good to write a letter to you all. In this letter, I would like to give you a further understanding on who you are and what your role in the Society should be. Knowing your identity and your role will guide you in living in your community and in the Society. I am sure that your directors have given the explanation and description about who you are, your goals, and how to attain them. But, I would like to emphasize some things.

The importance of this letter is to help you know your position and role in the body of the Society. It is important to know yourself and your role in order to make better discernments in your life. As you know, our body has many different parts and each part has its function, its role, and its uniqueness. A problem in one of those parts will affect other parts and the whole body. Our Society is like our body. Jesus is our head or our leader. And each of us takes a part in the whole body. Each of us takes different but important roles in the whole body of the Society. That’s why we cannot say someone’s membership is more important than someone else’s. All of us have the same importance in the Society. Our apostolic, academic and spiritual lives are connected to each other. One’s role in the Society will also be affected by other members. That is Master Ignatius’ view of the body of the Society of Jesus.

In this letter, I will focus on who you are, where you are going, and what you should do. Further, based on your own reflection, you may wish to find your own way of reading the ideas in this letter.

Who Are You in The Society?

Most of you come directly from Novitiate after you have pronounced your first vows. And, some of you however will do your juniorate program after philosophical study. Coming fresh from the Novitiate makes you the newest member of the Society. You are the youngest among those in the Society who have pronounced vows. Being the youngest doesn’t mean being the least on experience and the worst in doing mission. But, for some of you it means so. When I was a junior, sometimes I felt that my seniors look down on me. But, then I realized that we are the same in the Society. We come from the same Spiritual Exercises. We are under the same founder, our father Ignatius. We live the same vowed life together. All of us are the sons of the Society, parts of the whole body. The only difference is that ones join before the others and we have different roles. But, the life in Society of Jesus is of the same importance.

One makes the Juniorate program after Novitiate. There, Juniors are supposed to undertake special studies, mostly in the humaniora as preparation for their philosophy studies. The Juniorate program bridges the two-year Novitiate and philosophical studies. There will be a pretty big cultural shock in this transition time for you are going to see the same world but now with a new point of view.

Young members are usually full of idealism for they come fresh from the Novitiate with all the idealism of being a good Jesuit is nurtured. After the Novitiate, it is the time for you to see the world with a new viewpoint, which will be different from before. From idealism, you come into realism. And you will be somehow disappointed knowing that that your idealism is different from the reality you are now in.

Where are you going?

Academically, you are going to study philosophy after your juniorate. Apostolically, you are going to prepare for your future that you will be sent for mission. Spiritually, you are going to live your vows, actualized in you daily life. And, you are supposed to integrate these things in your life. It means you are going to live your academic, apostolic and spiritual life all together within the vows you have taken. Therefore, you will need the other members of the Society to help you to do it. In this case, you will really need the good example of your seniors for you do slowly be incorporated by the Society, even as you incorporate yourself into the body of the Society. But, your seniors may not give good examples that may make disappoint you. You know that what you learn from your seniors will affect very much your being Jesuit. And you may wonder how to be good Jesuits if you don’t see any good examples.

The identity of a Jesuit is a man on a mission. And, your mission in juniorate program is to study to prepare yourself well for philosophical or other studies, to maintain the spiritual life you have gained in your Novitiate, and to train yourselves for some apostolic work. But, your community is also your mission. You are going to find your role in your community because that too is your role in the Society.

For Your Reflection

As a young member you may demand more to the Society of Jesus and her members. You demand them to give you good examples and to be generous to you as the youngest in the Society. But, actually, to be a Jesuit is to give, more than to demand. Therefore, although you are the youngest in the Society, it is your mission to give to your community a good example too. Realizing that your lives may have good effects on the others, you shouldn’t hesitate to remind the older members of the Society if they do something wrong. We make mistakes not only when we do something bad but also when we do not do something good. It will be terrible if you do nothing or even followed their unfair examples.

As you reflect on this letter, you may find your own way of proceeding which is good for you in facing this situation. It will be very different for each of you, depending on your understanding of yourself and your community. At the end of this letter, I suggest you to ask yourself what I can do for the Society and not what I will receive from the Society. Keep on reflecting!

Rome, August 23^rd, 2006

Your friend in the Lord

Agustinus Wahyu Dwi Anggoro

What is Life?

2006-09-25T20:27:00.000-07:00

(a small reflection on movie The River Runs Trough It)

It was after my pilgrimage (peregrination) when I recognized life as a journey or pilgrimage. I reflected that my pilgrimage was a symbol for my life itself. What I found and experienced in my pilgrimage seemed to have implications in my life.

The main thing I should have in both the pilgrimage and life is purpose. I can still remember my purpose in my pilgrimage; it was to go to a monastery in Rawaseneng, Central Java. Then, led by that purpose I tried to find my way there. Of course I had a map that showed almost all possible ways to go there. There are many ways to the purpose. There are also many ways to other purposes. Each way has branches. And at every crossroad, I had to choose one leading me to my purpose. In choosing, I needed discernment to lead me to a decision. So, there will be so many discernments and decision in a journey. A wrong discernment will lead me to a wrong decision, and a wrong decision will lead me to a wrong way, and a wrong way will lead me to a wrong purpose. Then, how can I choose the right one? Firstly, I can ask those who know well the ways. Hopefully, they will help me choose the right way. Secondly, I learn from my experiences, especially my mistakes. I learn how I fell in a mistake and then try not to fall in the same mistake. In other words, I learn to know and understand my self and my circumstances. Then, I can make a better choice.

What I see in my life is more or less the same. In the Spiritual Exercises, I found that the purpose of my life is to glorify the Lord and I tried to lead my life to that goal. The Spiritual Exercises also showed me almost all possible ways to gain the purpose. Now, I have chosen one of those ways, being a Jesuit. I think without any clear purpose in this life, we just wander around with no direction. With a certain purpose, we can choose the right, safe and advantageous way. There are many ways and many choices (some are true, some are wrong), and I should choose the right one to attain to my purpose.

Once, I understand life as a struggle (vita est militia). In some cases, it’s true. In the metaphor of life as a journey, I also can find that truth. Without a struggle, a strong desire, and a spirit of not giving up easily, I can’t reach the final purpose. Then, I found a new meaning that life is a series of decision. At each time of our life, I should make decision, purposely or not. The series of decisions means a series of discernment because in making a decision I need discernment. In discernment, I sometimes need others who are experienced in that and know better the way I choose (or am going to choose). Finally, I should know myself and my circumstances. By learning from my mistakes and my experience, I can know myself better. And, then I can make a better decision. Knowing my circumstances can make me choose the better choice for me. A choice that is good for someone will not always good for me. So, I must try to find the better choice for me.

Parental Love of God

2006-09-25T20:17:00.000-07:00

(a small reflection on movie Big Fish)

There is no parent who wants their children to suffer in the future. It is said that a parent always does his best for his children. Certainly, this is in the parent’s point of view, but the children usually fail to understand that. It is what happened in Big Fish. Edward tries every attempt to do the best for his boy, Will. But, the best for Ed is not the best for Will. He fails in understanding his father’s good will. He always supposes that his father’s story of life is a useless lie until he himself understands his father’s reason for telling him a story. He realizes this right before he is becoming a father. He begins to understand the truth of what he has supposed as a lie and the use of what he has supposed as useless things.

Not all of what my parents told me and did for me is understandable to me. Sometimes, I really can’t understand why they did this or that for me. As I review my life, I find that many things are understandable after I grew up and when I was helped by such things. Then, I would feel very thankful, very lucky that my parents had done those things to me. For example, when I was a child, my parents used to ask me to help them in their daily work. As a child, I thought that it wasn’t my duty to do such work, but I did it. Then, as I grew up I realized that it was very useful. I became used to works hard, and I didn’t give up easily when I faced a difficult problem. And there are also many things that I had ever supposed as useless things, only to realizthat they are very useful things in my life. Such understanding makes me feel my family’s love toward me. They never said to me that they love me but through what they have done for me, I can see their love.

God is like my parents too. Occasionally, He loves me through such things that aren’t understandable to me. But He does love me. Every now and after, He ‘educates’ me in a way that I feel lika a fool in order to make me strong to face the problems in my life. When he educated me, I often complained about that or that I didn’t what He was doing. But, then when I was able to face many problems, I fell strong enough to stand alone. I feel God’s love. And, I find that most of God’s love comes to me through my parents. Thanks, God.

Hostility and Hospitality

2006-09-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

(a small reflection on movie Chöcölat)

In the Chöcölat, there were two sides that are in conflict with each other. One side is represented by Vianne, Annouk, Armenda, Roux, and their friends. They belonged to the law breakers and unfaithful ones, but they lived in happiness and joy. The other side contains the mayor, the priest and most of the members of the town who were faithful and always go to the church. They are law followers, and even though they lived within the boundaries of the law and they aren’t free to do the many things they want and because of this they aren’t happy in their lives.

The two sides have their own extreme ways of life. The mayor and his groups live under the law of the church. But, they are bound by the law so that they can’t move freely. The mayor, as the ‘leader’ of the group, wants all the members of the town to join his way of life. In the beginning, he welcomes Vianne to his town. This act shows his hospitality. But, when he sees that his attempt shows no result, his hospitality turns into hostility. He tries to influence the entire town to enter into conflict with Vianne and her chocolate shop. At first, this seems to succeed. But, step by step, the members of the town begin to know that chocolate is delicious and there’s no reason to reject it. Then, it’s the beginning of Vianne’s victory.

The second extreme way of life is showed by Vianne’s life. Vianne and friends live freely and don’t want to go to church. She neglects the law of the church (mostly because of her ignorance) and opens a chocolaterie in Lent. But, she helps many people with her chocolates. An old woman finds happiness in her chocolaterie and renews her relationship with her grandson. A husband discovers his romanticism with his wife with Vianne’s chocolate. And old man finds his love with the help of Vianne’s chocolate. Vianne herself finds Roux as her love because of the chocolate. Her hospitality in accepting everyone helps her help many people in their lives.

For me, Vianne’s hospitality comes from her self-acceptance. She is able to accept herself as she is, her past, her background, her destiny. With this, she feels free to accept the other people come into her life and to help them. In contrast, the mayor isn’t able to accept himself, his disability, his failure (in family life) and so on. He tries to find other’s mistakes, not his. He is therefore unable to accept other people came to his life.

How can we turn our hostility into hospitality? By self acceptance. We must try to accept ourselves and this can transform our hostility into hospitality.

Both the mayor and Vianne express their charity in their own unique way. The mayor always reminds his people to do their duties. I think it is a good way to love others. The mayor has a good and pure intention; it is to help others to be faithful and not neglect their duties and responsibilities. His attempt to forbid Vianne from opening her chocolaterie shows his attention on his people. He doesn’t want his people being disturbed during Lent by the chocolaterie. But, this great charity is colored by his conflict with Vianne. It is this that makes his way of loving seems bad.

Vianne has her own way of loving; it is by accepting people as they are and as many as she can. To the people who come to her chocolaterie, she will welcome them. She gives them their freedom to choose what they want (for example their favorite chocolate) and to do whatever they wish. This way of loving doesn’t have any bad effect on anyone. Even the mayor at last realizes his mistake and Vianne’s good intention.

I reflect that in our way of charity, especially in our community life, we should combine these two ways of charity. To our friends, in our community, it is good to appreciate their freedom, their wish, and their will to do whatever they want. But, it is more important to remind them about their duties, their compulsory, and their responsibilities.

Loneliness and Solitude

2006-09-25T19:22:00.000-07:00

(a small reflection on movie Lost in Translation)

Like Bob and Charlotte, I sometimes also experience loneliness. I think everyone must have experienced loneliness, even those who are very happy in life. I feel lonely especially when I am in a new place, or in a new community, and when I met new peoples. In these, it seemed that I had no friend. It is what Bob and Charlotte (in Lost in Translation) feel when they are in Japan and had no one to be their friend. Finally, they met in the hotel bar and became a match for one another. They became friends.

What I really feel in AIR is more or less the same. When I came here, I really fell welcomed by the members of this community. I was impressed by their kindness and generosity in welcoming us. But, beside that, I also found myself alone. I was put in a different building from the two other friends of mine. Yes, I could find other Malaysian and East Timorese who can speak Bahasa in Building D where my room is located. But, still I found no friend who had the same struggle and difficulties as I had. So, it is no wonder that the other Indonesian Juniors and I often gather to speak Bahasa, and to do something together. By gathering and meeting each other (among three of us), we could share our difficulties, our struggles which are more or less the same. By sharing these, my burden, struggle, and difficulties are lessened and lightened. Sharing was also what Bob and Charlotte did when they found themselves in the same problem. Then, they also found that by sharing it, they could lessen, lighten it.

When I found no one to whom I can share my problem and struggle, then I remember that there is one who would be so pleased to listen to me. It’s God. In this case, God is the best. He would listen to me patiently, He would keep my secret, and he would lessen and lighten my burden though I don’t know it. In this case, God seems to give no solution. But, actually, he gives the best solution, much better than the other solutions my friends give me. I realized that when I am in a problem, I remember him and I believed that he will give me the best answer to my question.

When I turn to God and share my feelings, problems, and whatever else I have experienced, I have successfully turned my loneliness into solitude. In the loneliness, we might find no one but ourselves. But, in the solitude, we find both God and ourselves.

I am Sick

2006-09-25T18:47:00.001-07:00

It has been two weeks I got sick. And now it become worse. I have tried to stop smoking, but my cough and flu still go on. I have been frustrated by them. However, Itry to find something beyond this sickness that God may want to say something to me.

Healing Apostolate

2006-09-25T18:41:00.000-07:00

Twice already I experienced that my apostolate healed me from my sickness. They joy and happiness it brought to me trough playing with the kids really made me getting better. Yet I realize more that my effort to 'heal' make result on my healing also.

Seize The Day

2006-09-25T17:14:00.000-07:00

(a small reflection on movie Dead Poet’s Society)

For me, the main message of the movie Dead Poet’s Society is Carpe diem (seize the day). I think these words came from Descartes, an old Greek philosopher. These words sound like “enjoy this day, don’t worry about your uncertain future and forget your bad past”. But, in our Christian point of view, it sounds like “live your moment, be thankful of every moment you have, or something like that”.

Henry J.M Nouwen wrote in his book that everyday is special, different from other days. This special day could be bad or good. Everyday God gives us our daily needs, he gives us graces we need for the day. We will find out the difference and the special moment of everyday, if we always try to find God in our very day and try to draw a meaning from our days. It’s one way to be thankful for God’s gifts. In this case, seizing the day means drawing a meaning from everything that happens, either good or bad, so that we can thank to God for everything we get.

Neil and his friends, in Dead Poet’s Society found the liberty and freedom they had never found before when they entered the high school. They were free from their parents who always controlled them. They also found a creative, future thought, and a pleasant teacher. The teacher always suggests that they seize the day. He would like to say that the liberty they have must be used properly, the long youth must be filled with many useful things. Although Neil had done many good and useful things, such as establishing the Dead Poet’s Society with his friend, and participating in the School Theater, he finally couldn’t help himself and killed himself when he found no more freedom from his parents.

When I wanted to enter the Society, the question that my examiner asked me is, “Why I chose SJ, not the other one?” At that time, my answer is that Jesuits look stricter than the others because their two-year novitiate looks so difficult and closed, different from other novitiates. My examiner told me that in the Novitiate I may found such things, but not in the next steps of my formation.

This has become true. During the novitiate, I had to follow the rule, the schedule and the command of my Novice Master. It is like a desert experience, a long-long way to the end of my step. But, it’s a beginning. And the beginning is always the most difficult part. But, I endured my life in the novitiate happily, because it’s my choice. I did find that what my examiner said was true. My novice master was also very strict. The schedule and the formation were very clearly proposed, very massive that I had no more time to relax. I realize that what I had to learn in this Novitiate would be useful in my further step, because in the next step, I would be very free from all schedules, commands and such things in the novitiate.

I feel Neil’s freedom now. I am free from the schedule, from the ringing bell that wakes me up, from the punishment of making mistake and so on. In this juniorate program, I find the liberty and freedom in the Society I had never found before. Now, these all are in my charge; they are my responsibility. In this case, my discernment is challenged. Can I manage one ward and my time so that I can study, pray, recreate and do exercise properly. Can I seize my day? These are the questions for me. I will try to manage my time and my schedule properly, so that I can prove that I really want to be a Jesuit, that I want the Society accept me as part of the companion of Jesus. I won’t kill myself by doing something useless or even making me unable to serve the Lord better.