My Decision to be a Jesuit

To decide what you will be when you grow up is one of the most important think to do in your life because it will affect almost all your life very much and therefore you must prepare it well. At the age of eighteen, I have decided to become a Jesuit priest. It has become one of important decisions I had made. I decided to be a Jesuit priest because of two main reasons: to detach from my family and to live the more challenging and harder life. Since I had decided to be a priest, there were two kinds of priest orders for me to choose. One is Diocesan priest and another one is Jesuit priest. At that time, these are the only kinds of priest orders I have known.

For me, to be a priest is to serve totally God through others. Therefore, it is very important for me to detach from all kinds of attachments in order to be able to serve better. Since I realized that one of my biggest attachments is family, it will be very helpful for me to concentrate better if I can detach from my family. Diocesan priests are usually local priests, working more often in parish or in some categorical ministry. While Jesuit is an international order that allows me work in many distant places, even overseas. That’s why I choose to be a Jesuit and not diocesan.

I found that being a diocesan priest is not challenging enough for me. I can only work in a diocese, while Jesuits may be sent to many places and many countries. Diocesan’s lives also seem too easy and glorious. They enjoy having many things a good position in hierarchy. In other hand, I found Jesuit’s way of life is more challenging. They live in a different way of life, harder and more difficult. They are also sent to many places and countries.

So far, it has been two years since I joined the Society of Jesus and I really found the challenges that I had hoped before I joined her. I also find that I can really detach from my family better than before that I can concentrate on my study, my prayer and my life as a Jesuit.

This decision has also had many effects in my life, two of which are that I have become more independent and mature in enduring life and I have found more challenges in the Society of Jesus; however, becoming a Jesuit also makes me incapable of meeting my family as often as before.

One effect I have found after I had decided to become a Jesuit is that I become more independent and mature in enduring life. Being detached from my family has demanded me to live independently and decide everything by myself. It is a good effect for me since I have been hoping that I be able to be an independent person. That very reason made me choose to become Jesuit. By the discernment, the main way to make decision in the Society of Jesus, I can decide everything according to the way of life of Jesuits in which I am being incorporated.

As another effect, I have also found more challenges, something I look for by joining the Society of Jesus. In study, I have been challenged to find my own way of study and to be able and available to be sent for study wherever the Society wants me to go. In apostolate, works and helping peoples, which are the main ministry of Jesuits, I have been challenged to learn how to help people, to works as the member of the Society and to do apostolic works. I have looked for these challenges and I have found it in the Society of Jesus. This reason also made me choose the Society to join with.

However, joining the Society of Jesus has also an uncomfortable effect for me. Ii has made me incapable of meeting my family as often as before because becoming a Jesuit has demanded me to be detached from my family, physically and affectively. Physically, I have been and will be far from family for years. Affectively, I have to be detached from remembering now and after my family so that my study, apostolate and life in the Society will not be disturbed. However, I am sure that my family still and will always support me, especially by their prayer.

I consider all of these effects not as advantages and disadvantages or the goal and the risk but as a choice. The whole choice demands me to take the good effect as well as the uncomfortable one. So, my decision and choice to be a Jesuit includes these effects in it. For me, there is nothing to be regretted because I have chosen this choice. Now, it is time to look forward towards my goal, my future.

Apostolate and Community Life

It has been more than three months since I joined the Musmos Cubao Apostolate. So, for me now it’s a good time to reflect how far I have been going and what I can get form this kind of apostolate. At first, I still couldn’t appreciate this kind of apostolate for there I can do nothing but playing with the kids and giving them the food we had cooked. But, being with them for three months, I learn many things from them and I feel that I had a good time playing with and talking to them.

At the first place, I learn that apostolate is not about giving something such as lecture or catechism, but mostly about being there (presence) and learn from those we are with. When one of us once was absent from this apostolate, many of the kids asked about him. They missed him so much. From that, I learn how important is our presence there for the kids. It makes me think and reflect on my community life that in community life I often neglect to pay attention whether someone is present or not. I usually ignore this important aspect of building a better community life. The problem is that I only pay attention on myself.

Secondly, I learn about fear and worry. At the first time I came to Cubao and meet the kids, I feel that they were so nice. They can easily go with me and they asked me to play with them as if they had known me for a long time. They have no fear, no worry, and no suspiciousness, whereas I was so afraid at that time that I wouldn’t be accepted in that area (Cubao). It makes me reflect also that often I still have fear and worry if I am going to be in a new community, and have suspiciousness when I meet new faces. That’s not the way of Jesuits for Jesuits must be available to be sent to any place at any time.

Thirdly, I learn something from our collaboration with the Musmos Group. Sometimes, after the kids were gone, we had some sharing. In this sharing, we usually share our burden, difficulties, haplessness, or desolation and our happiness, joy, or consolation as well. By this kind of sharing, we can confirm and encourage each other in order to give and receive, to lighten and to be lightened. This is also one aspect that should be in community life. To build a better community life, sharing meeting are needed, especially in order to lighten and be lightened.

The last, it’s not fair if I really do nothing or make no attempts for the kids in my apostolate. So far, I have learnt some Tagalog words and I want to learn more in the next semester so that I can talk and communicate more to the kids. That’s effort from my side, so that I can give but in the same time also receive.