What is Life?

(a small reflection on movie The River Runs Trough It)

It was after my pilgrimage (peregrination) when I recognized life as a journey or pilgrimage. I reflected that my pilgrimage was a symbol for my life itself. What I found and experienced in my pilgrimage seemed to have implications in my life.

The main thing I should have in both the pilgrimage and life is purpose. I can still remember my purpose in my pilgrimage; it was to go to a monastery in Rawaseneng, Central Java. Then, led by that purpose I tried to find my way there. Of course I had a map that showed almost all possible ways to go there. There are many ways to the purpose. There are also many ways to other purposes. Each way has branches. And at every crossroad, I had to choose one leading me to my purpose. In choosing, I needed discernment to lead me to a decision. So, there will be so many discernments and decision in a journey. A wrong discernment will lead me to a wrong decision, and a wrong decision will lead me to a wrong way, and a wrong way will lead me to a wrong purpose. Then, how can I choose the right one? Firstly, I can ask those who know well the ways. Hopefully, they will help me choose the right way. Secondly, I learn from my experiences, especially my mistakes. I learn how I fell in a mistake and then try not to fall in the same mistake. In other words, I learn to know and understand my self and my circumstances. Then, I can make a better choice.

What I see in my life is more or less the same. In the Spiritual Exercises, I found that the purpose of my life is to glorify the Lord and I tried to lead my life to that goal. The Spiritual Exercises also showed me almost all possible ways to gain the purpose. Now, I have chosen one of those ways, being a Jesuit. I think without any clear purpose in this life, we just wander around with no direction. With a certain purpose, we can choose the right, safe and advantageous way. There are many ways and many choices (some are true, some are wrong), and I should choose the right one to attain to my purpose.

Once, I understand life as a struggle (vita est militia). In some cases, it’s true. In the metaphor of life as a journey, I also can find that truth. Without a struggle, a strong desire, and a spirit of not giving up easily, I can’t reach the final purpose. Then, I found a new meaning that life is a series of decision. At each time of our life, I should make decision, purposely or not. The series of decisions means a series of discernment because in making a decision I need discernment. In discernment, I sometimes need others who are experienced in that and know better the way I choose (or am going to choose). Finally, I should know myself and my circumstances. By learning from my mistakes and my experience, I can know myself better. And, then I can make a better decision. Knowing my circumstances can make me choose the better choice for me. A choice that is good for someone will not always good for me. So, I must try to find the better choice for me.