Who knows? Who cares?

(a short reflection on movie Nobody Knows/Dare mo Shiranai)

The Movie, Nobody Knows, depict the life of two boys and two girls of one mother and different fathers who are abandoned by their mother and have to live by themselves. Anak depicts the life of two sisters and one brother, whose mother leaves them to work abroad as a domestic helper. Unlike the children in Nobody Knows, these children are are cared for by their uncle and aunt. Watching these movies, I was moved and almost cried, especially as I realized that this situation still happens in our world today.

The title of the movie is Nobody Knows. It suggests that few people or even no one wants to know and care about these abandoned children. In certain sense, this is true. In this selfish and individualistic world, fewer people want to care about their unfortunate fellows. They tend to think about themselves first before thinking of others.

What does it mean to be Jesuit in this era? It means to pay attention more to those who are in need. And I think, since the number of abandoned children is getting more and more, they are one of those who are most in need. In Nobody Knows, first of all, they need money to support them economically. This is their first and primary need. However, we cannot help them in this problem. We cannot give them money, no matter how big their need is. We can help them through the rich people who we can approach to ask them to help these abandoned children. Secondly, they need comfort. They are children lacking parental love. They may also have some psychological problem caused by their being abandoned by their parents. In this kind of problem, we can and must help them.

Indeed, we are called also to do service for them. If there is no one who wants to help them, then it is then it is our vocation as Jesuits to help them because they are most in need. One example of this is when Fr. Pedro Arrupe founded JRS. He saw at that time that refugees are those who are in most need. They needed an organization totake care of them, economically and psychologically. To be sharp in intuition and analysis like Fr. Arrupe is what we need as a Jesuit. We have to be able to read the signd of the time in order to see those who are in most need. Therefore, an ability to reflect on recent situation in the world is highly needed.

What I can do now as Jesuit in formation is to train my self to reflect upon my circumstances and find out who are my fellows who are most in need. I can’t do a lot in helping those abandoned children, but I can give comfort to the children in my apostolate. I can also be compassionate with some poor people who often come to this house. I might not be able to help a lot, but I can train myself to be in sympathy and compassion with them.

Indifference, Simplicity and Perseverance

(a short reflection on movie Beijing Bicycle)

"Beijing Bicycle" depicts the lives of two young men, Guei and Jian who both come from the low economic class. Guei is a simple man coming from countryside, rube and is uneducated, while Jian is an educated one, a man of modern times and up to date. But, both are poor and consider a bicycle as a precious thing to have. Therefore, when the bicycle, which both of them consider as theirs, gets lost, they try every attempt to regain it.

Indeed, the bicycle is only a means to gain the main aim. It’s like all creation in the face of the earth which is created to support us to gain the aim we are created, that is, to glorify our Creator. For Guei, the bicycle is a means to earn money for his life. So, we can say it’s his life. Without it, he can’t earn money and can’t live. For Jian, the bicycle is a symbol of his status. He needs it in order to be accepted by his friends and to approach a girl in his school, Xiao. Both use it for different aim. It’s good that Jian realizes that the bike is merely a means. He eventually gives up the girl he fancies when she goes with another man. He gives the bike to Guei who is still clinging to the bike as the most precious thing he has. He forgets that the bike is only a means to earn money. There are many other ways and means to live and to earn money. In other words, Jian is more indifferent than Guei. In some ways, I like the characteristic of Jian for his indifference to let the bicycle go and not to cling on it any more. In other ways, I like also Guei for his simplicity in life.

As I reflect on this movie, I find that I have to be like Jian in the way that he is indifferent and aware that there are many ways, not only a bicycle, to gain his aim. Indifference is important in my life as a Jesuit because it makes me detached from everything, which are only means for pursuing the end. As result, I can focus on the main purpose, and not to be distracted by the means. Like Jian is indifferent, I must be able to distinguish what means are for and what the main purpose is.

From Guei, one thinks of emulating is his simplicity. Being simple keeps him in a way that he remains protected from the culture of the city. I think it’s important for me to be simple for Jesuits are supposed to available to be sent everywhere. Hence, I must be able to adjust myself to the culture of the place where I am sent. But, not all aspects of culture are good to adopt. Usually, there are some parts that must be avoided. To avoid it and not to be drowned by the stream of the culture, I must be simple. By this, I mean I must be able to keep my own culture and try not to be uprooted from my own culture. Another thing I learn from Guei is his perseverance. He is so confident that he is sure to find his lost bicycle. And he tries his best to find it. His persistence led him to find his bike. He is really a persevering person. Day and night, he looks for his lost bike. I reflected on this and learnt that he is so eager to find his bike because he loves it and treasures it. Therefore, to persevere in something I must love and treasure it beforehand.

Life-giving

(a short reflection on movie To Live)

The movie, To Live, depicts the life of a family in China in the 1940’s until 1960’s. At that time, the life there was very hard and this movie tries to present that kind of hardship. It shows how they struggle in order to live, how bitter it is for the parents, Fugui and Jiazhen, to witness their children’s deaths, and how happiness and sadness fill their life in turn. The movie ends when Fugui and Jiazhen, their son-in-law, Erxi, and their grandson eating together in happiness, after the father and the grandson have just finished put some young chicks into a box that used to be their puppet box.

In many cases, people die in order to give life to others, and some live because of the death of others. In this movie, it is very obvious that sometime, people have to die to give life to others. Many people died in a civil war, that Fugui and his friend, Chunseng are involved in. Those people died in order to give life to their people. Fugui and Chunseng are saved because other soldiers are killed. The death of Youqing, the son of the family, somehow also gives life to others. He always tries to defend his sister from some naughty kids. His death is considered ‘an offering’ (or sacrifice?) to Communism and Chairman Mao. Communal life suggested by the communism demands a lot of people’s lives. Fengxia, the daughter of the family, dies after she gives birth to her first son. And, in the middle of the movie, Chunseng gives him an amount of money since he knows that he is going to die.

For me, as a Christian, life-giving is not a new idea. Jesus himself is our model and example of person who gives his life for the life of all people. He gives his life so that human beings can live. He gave up his divinity and became human so that men can become divine. In my life as a Jesuit, life-giving is also not a new idea. Self-giving and life-giving, as an integral unity, can’t be separated from each other. What must we do to give ourselves and our lives? We must help and love others, and sometimes we must be ‘dead’ for others life. It means that to help others, we must be willing not to be popular or well known but merely o do for God’s sake. It’s supposed to make other people feel happy and helped. That’s one factor that keeps our life lively and meaningful. As a Jesuit, I find that by making people happy, by helping people, and by being ‘dead’ for others, I can endure my life as a Jesuit better. I can stand and enjoy my life, I am happy with it because I make others people happy. Giving life, being self giving and sharing have become my way of life and these support my life as a Jesuit.

Balance

(a small reflection on movie Bad ma ra khahad bord)

Every spirituality develops in the minds and hearts of particular people as a response to the crisis of their age and culture. Jesuit spirituality also came from that typical situation. Ignatius’ age was an age of rottenness in the body of the Church and the opposition of Reformation movement towards the Church. Ignatius’ way to reform the Church was from within, one of which was to found the Society with his friends, while the Protestant’s way was from outside, that is by proclaiming its separation from the Holy Church . The politic and economic situation at that time was very influential to the development of Jesuits spirituality. As time passes by and the situation of the world keeps changing, our spirituality has been suited to those changes.

We live amongst many tensions, which oblige us to discern and choose one of those tensions to follow. In this age, we live between the challenges of poverty and the life style of hedonism, between the challenge of obedience and the era of democracy, and between the challenge of chastity and the culture of free fraternization. It’s undeniable that we live in this era or some of us are people of this era, and somehow we have to compromise with those secular tensions in order to serve better in our ministry. For me, however, the vow of poverty is most needed to balance ourselves from the danger of those secular tensions. In other words, to balance the simplicity of our life as Jesuits and the fast movement of the globalization era, we have to cling to our vows of poverty, obedience and chastity. We can adapt our life to the new life style of globalization era, but, on the other hand, we have to maintain the basic principle of our lives.

Religious people are needed in this era of globalization to do effective ministries and, at the same time, to maintain their virtues as religious. To do this, they need to adjust their spirituality to the demands of their time. The ability to read the signs of time, therefore, is highly needed.

So, what am I going to do now? Formation is a good time to learn how to balance the simplicity of our life with the fast movement of the globalization era. The participation of the formators in my formation is still influential, although I have also a freedom to develop the kind of formation going with me. Therefore, if there are still some errors in my efforts of balance these two aspects, I can still get a lot of advice and direction from the formators. Indeed, it’s a good time to nourish these virtues with the help of many seniors and formators. Otherwise, if I am not able to nourish it now, when I am not in formation anymore, it will be very difficult for me to start balancing my life between these two aspects. When that happens, I may endanger my vocation.

Man for Others

(a short reflection on movie Life is Beautiful)

In the movie Life is Beautiful, Guido, through his jokes, his attractive attitude and laissez-faire bearing, shows how he understands life. The title of this movie implies that Guido really sees that life (at least his life) is beautiful, even when he is in a most difficult situation. Normally, people in a place like the camp concentration will feel very exhausted, sad, morose, or gloomy. This is what happens to the other people captured and placed in the camp concentration. But, unlike them, Guido tends to look always happy and pretends that nothing terrible happens for the sake of his son. He mirrors a person we called man for others for he doesn’t care about himself, but rather pays a lot of attention to his son.

Once, Ignatius as a General of the Society asked one Jesuit to give spiritual direction to some religious in Rome. This particular Jesuit refused to do so for he feared that by doing so he might endanger his vocation. Ignatius strongly admonished and reminded him not to think merely about himself but rather about those who need help. He mentioned the aim of the Society, which is, to save souls. This is what it means to be a man for others in Ignatius’ view. To be a man for others is to treat ourselves less importantly than others by surrendering ourselves into the hand of God and to put others in the highest priority. In the case of Guido, he forgets his tiredness, anxiety, and health in order to please his son and to free him from worrying about anything. He knows it will be very painful for his son to experience this discrimination and suffering. He wants his son to also experience that life is beautiful as he had experienced in his life.

As Jesuits, to be a man for others means to devote our life to loving, helping, and giving hope to others, especially those who are unloved, helpless, and hopeless. By doing so, we are supposed to be generous, that is, we are to give and not to count the cost, to fight and not to heed the wounds, to toil and not to seek for rest, to labor and ask not for reward. However, being a man for others doesn’t mean that one has to sacrifice himself by paying no attention to himself. A Jesuit has to nourish his life accordingly so that his vocation and his health are well kept. He has to make sure that by doing such kind of ministry he will not endanger his vocation and his health. Guido, when he chooses his wife and when he pours his joy to her and his son, doesn’t lose his joy because he knows that by doing so, he will be happy too. For him, happiness lasts longer if it also makes others happy.

Being Powerless

(a small reflection on movie Ran)

The movie Ran revolves around the lusts for power among two of three sons of Hidetora, Taro, and Jiro. The movie ends with their tragic deaths, where they kill each other. Power has become a source of chaos (Ran) even among brothers and between father and his sons. Since having power is very tempting, how should we Jesuits deal with power?

Jesuits do have power. We know that. Where does that power come from? It does not come from money for we don’t have money to get such power, nor from the large numbers of our membership for it’s not comparatively a large number. It doesn’t come either from our intelligence for only some of us are really smart. I believe it comes from our effort to build trust. It has been more than 450 years since St. Ignatius and his companions began this great work that all of Jesuits around the world build on (or try to do so) this trust. It is because of this trust that we can last more than 450 years, work in many fields, and help millions of people. Above all, I believe that this power also come from God.

So, it’s inevitable that as a Jesuit we have (or will have) that power, whether we are aware of it or not. People, especially most of Catholics and those who know Jesuits, will admire and give Jesuits a special pace as a leader. Even as a priest or religious himself, we can obtain such a power. Now, since this power can be a great temptation, what am I going to do with this power? As a Jesuit, I have to deal with it wisely and I will do what a Jesuit should do. Power is only one of the means provided for us to reach the aim, that is, to help souls and glorify God.

It will not be fair if I use my power for myself, so the first thing to do is to share it by cooperating with other Jesuits, other religious and lay people. Then, I will use my power to raise funds for those in need and to invite more people to help others. In other words, I will try to use that power not primarily for my sake, but always for the sake of mission and glorifying God. For me, it sounds very idealistic and difficult. I realize that power may be a big temptation. For now, I want to learn to be humble so that when I have such a power I will not misuse it, but utilize it according to our way of proceeding. In the Society, superiority means service. This is what I want to learn from this time for formation is the best time to learn and to nourish many virtues, especially, that of humility and obedience.

A characteristic of a good superior is that the more he has, the more he serves and the humbler he is. Also, he will feel that he is not powerful, but rather powerless for he realizes that God is above all. Therefore, such a superior will always surrender himself to God and let God guide him in making use of his power. I want to be a great leader like that: having power, but at the same time being powerless, admired but also humble. In formation, there are many opportunities to serve others as a leader, and I will try to do my best in learning how to be a good superior.

Superiority means service

My Talent(s)

(a small reflection on movie Billy Elliot)

For me, Billy Elliot is an ideal example of a person who dares to be different in order to explore his talent and pursue his goal by doing something he considered right one. On the other hand, people tend to choose anything that people choose for them. He wants to make his father, his brother, his grandmother, and, of course, his mother happy. To do this, he can be a boxer and follow his father’s will. But, how about him? Will he be happy with his father’s choice? Realizing this, Billy changes his mind. He decides to be a ballet dancer since he found that there is where his heart and that is his talent. He is sure that becoming a ballet dancer will make him happy

God makes me for a purpose, which I am sure will be realized as a Jesuit. But, He also makes me for other purposes. However, up to now, I can’t find exactly what these purpose are. I realize that I am good and fast in learning something. I can learn something fast if my heart is really there. In other words, I really like it and look forward to it. For example, I have been learning the guitar for more than five years, but I have never really been able to play it. On the other hand, I have never learnt about the computer formally, and yet I did learn to use it by myself. Now, I have mastered some programs and know how to run them.

With some talents, and the certitude that I am called to be a Jesuit, I want to dedicate what I have for my Society. But, this is not that easy since I don’t know myself entirely. Sometimes, only others can see that I am good at something because I just do it without thinking that it is special. Therefore, what people have said about me makes me think about my talents and my defects, and I realize that there is something I can dedicate to my Society to realize purpose God made for me. Since I joined the Society, I have been training to know myself better, both my abilities and my defects, so that I may have a wider overview about myself.

When I was a child, I used to want to be a teacher. But, after I joined the Society, I have lost that desire. Now, I just want to be a humble priest in a small parish mostly because I am afraid that popularity may make me proud and haughty, yet I realize now that it is up to the Society about how I am to serve the Lord. From now on, I want to use my ability and talent, especially in academic field to learn many things in order to serve better. If the Society wants me to be a teacher as I had wanted to before, than I want to prepare it by studying and using my talents to the fullest.

God gives, but we must accept.

Youth Ministry

(a small reflection on movie Oliver Twist)

Jesuit ministry today covers many areas, most of which are in the area of education for young people, especially teenagers. For me, this priority is not unreasonable for one’s teenage years is the phase when young people absorb a lot of things from adults that will affect their lives in the future. Jesuits see this good chance and potential and try to explore it. But, the problem is that a good education demands a high cost of expenses so that not all young people are able to get a good education. Throughout the ages, we can see that most of the time, Jesuits provide good education can only be afforded by the middle and higher classes. How about the poor? They need good education too, but they can’t afford it.

Jesuits are supposed to do their ministry freely, without any cost. It is our way to be able to give good education to those who cannot afford it. Another way to help them is to propose cross payment. Those who are rich pay more for those who are relatively poor. In this way, can solve the problem and lighten the cost of the poor people have to pay. However, it’s not an easy task for us Jesuit to invite them to do so.

From my experience of dealing with the poor people, it is not easy to approach them. They claim to have their own world and consider us as the higher class who evade them. But, once we can approach them and be accepted, we will win their hearts and easily give them the education or understanding we want them to know.

Education has been one of the Jesuits ministries which is interesting for me and makes me choose the SJ to join. But, so far, I find that the work for and with poor people is more challenging. Besides, I can also combine them, working with poor people and giving them education. In this case, I will do the same as what I have mentioned above. I will take no cost for my work for the poor and try to make the rich help the poor. I will also plant in their hearts the seeds of understanding the importance of helping each other. Hopefully, when they gain success, they will always remember to help others, especially the poor. I think it is a more important lesson for them besides the better education they receive because of this will help them understand the cause of their poverty and how to overcome it. So the point is to encourage them so that it is they and not we who raise their lives for we can only empower them.

My Legacy

(a small reflection on movie Mr. Holland's Opus)

In the movie, Mr. Holland wants to make a great symphony that he hopes will be well known by the world and place his name among the famous composers. But, it seems that it will never happen. However, his work as a teacher brings him to an understanding that he is a great composer of a greater symphony than what he hoped, that is his students. He was very successful in encouraging them to find their lives, their strengths, and their way in living out their lives. At first, he didn’t realize this particular legacy, for he considers it as his responsibility only as a teacher and not as great work.

I also have a desire that I will leave something behind when I leave this community. I hope that after I leave this community, its members will remember me, not for my faults, my mistakes or my bad habit but for my testimony, my good example, and my life here. I hope my life here can be an inspiration and a good example for the others. I want to live my life here according to the Jesuits’ way of life, so that I can help this community live its life better by not only giving good example but also, if it’s needed, by reminding them of our appropriate way of life as Jesuits.

The movie, Mr. Holland's Opus, reminds me that leaving a legacy or becoming popular is not the main purpose of someone’s life. The purpose of my life is to follow The Great Hand, which led me according to His will. It’s just like Mr. Holland, who unwittingly does God’s will through his teaching, which encourages his students to be confident in their lives. I reflect that what I am to leave for Arrupe should be like Mr. Holland’s legacy. He might try every attempt to leave behind a symphony as his legacy, but at last he realizes that his greatest symphony is his students. Therefore, I will do my best to leave something by knowing and realizing what God really wants me to leave to this community.

For now, I think I have done quite well during the first semester, but I realized that I can do better in the next semester, whether it is in community, study, apostolic or spiritual life. I hope that from this goal, I can find something I can leave behind to this community, not merely as legacy but mostly as a remembrance of me. So, I am not thinking of leaving any legacy but a memory that this community will always remember me by good things I did and I will do here.

The Importance of Knowing Who I am

(a small reflection on movie The Importance of Being Earnest)

For years I have been trying to discover who I am because it is very important to help me make important decisions in my life. By knowing my deeperself I can distinguish more clearly whether a desire comes from my psychological needs or my good will. To tell you who I am isn’t an easy task for me, not only because I am quite an introvert but also because I haven’t known my personality completely.

I know myself firstly from the people around me who keep telling me who I am. Some first impressions are that I am a quiet person, not talkative, shy and passive to begin any conversation, and not at all friendly. That’s true. The first time I meet a person, I will be like that. In fact, the impressions of my old friends tell more accurately my personality. For them, I am humorous, funny, friendly, faithful, smart, eager to help others, easy to forgive, patient but lazy, nervous and shy. What people tell me about what I am makes me recognize myself and reflect on it. If it is good, I will try to maintain it, but if it is not so good, I will make it better.

People around me help me to recognize myself better and to ameliorate my weak point. I am what people tell me because some of these suppositions are true and because they help me to reduce my bad character.

I was born with my unique appearance and character which make who and what I am. Therefore, I have my own characteristics, some of which I have known for some time. I am an ambivalent person, shy at first, but friendly later on: sometimes, prefer being lonely, while in other times want to be with my friends. I am a lazy person who prefers doing trivial things more than important one, but I am sometimes eager to work hard. I am a humorous person although sometimes I can be serious.

As I reflect on what I have encountered about my self, I find that I can show different characteristics according to the situation which I am in and my intention when aiming for goal. It’s not a deviation but an adjustment so that I can go with the situation. In different situations, I need to adjust my attitudes and behaviors in order to be able to have a dialogue with the particular situation. In mission, this adjustment is also needed for more effective ministry and satisfactory result. Different kinds of characters don’t mean that I have a split personality or I am full of pretence. As I reflect on it, it is an ability to adjust myself appropriately according to the situation and people I am with. But, I must acknowledge that I also have a tendency to wear mask in front of those who have legitimate positions, such as formators or my superior. This is one of my weaknesses. I realize it and try to make it up as well.

Our Ministry is Jesus' Ministry

(a small reflection on movie Dead Man Walking)

The movie, Dead Man Walking really gives me many inspirations and examples about ministry, an important thing for me who have chosen to live a religious life. For me, what Sister Helen did really shows how my life and ministry as a Jesuit should be. There are two points I want to reflect on Sister Helen’s excellent examples.

Firstly, I want to reflect on the fact that she chose a ministry avoided by others. For me, it really reminds and shows me the Jesuits’ way of proceeding, which was our way of life for many years. When other nuns, even other religious, avoided such ministries, Sister Helen involved herself deeply and totally to this kind of ministry. She really followed Jesus’ example to touch those who are untouched in the society. Some religious tend to choose ministries which make them famous and popular, work with people whom they are comfortable with, but we Jesuits are supposed to choose a ministry avoided by others. This time will be a good time for me to learn and train myself doing my ministry in this way because in Jakarta (philosophical study) I will not be able to be involved in any ministry until I am in my second year of Philosophy.

The second one I want to reflect on is about cura personalis (personal care) which was showed by Sr. Helen in the movie as she accompanied Matthew Poncelet. As she said, “I’m just trying to follow the example of Jesus, who said that a person is not as bad as his worst deed,” She really treated Matthew as a person who needed help while other people despised him as an animal. She didn’t look at what Matthew had done but at him as a human being who needed help. It is just like what Jesus did to the prostitutes and tax collectors. Those people, who were marginalized by society, are usually incapable of experiencing God’s love. And it is our duty to make them capable of it because that is one way to make them realize that their lives are meaningful. It is very hard for them to experience God’s love because their lives are usually very hard and their society usually does not accept them. Once we can do this especially through cura personalis, it will be quite easy to collaborate with them as helpers to their fellow human beings.

The important thing in ministry is that we should always follow Jesus’ example, draw our spirit and energy from Jesus and give up the final result to Him. Our ministry is not our ministry but Jesus’. It is very important to do our best, but it is more important to give up the result to the will of God. He who starts good works will continue and finish them.

I'm just trying to follow the example of Jesus, who said that a person is not as bad as his worst deed.

Wounded Healer

(a small reflection on movie Fisher King)

Everybody has traumatic experiences or wounds, either painful or not. To live a better life, one must heal his wounds by accepting weaknesses, forgiving those who made the wounds, and feeling forgiven for his big mistakes. I am also a wounded person. It means I am a weak person. How can I help people while I myself need help? This question made me uncertain that I can help people with so many wounds in my life. But, then I reflect on Jesus’ life. He was wounded and killed but precisely it is by his wounds all human beings are healed. He is the wounded healer.

I realize that my life should be like Jesus’ life. I was wounded by my past experience but I have been healed by Jesus through his wounds. I was healed by integrating my wounds with Jesus’. And now, it is my mission to help people as I have been helped by Jesus through others.

Some people may have the same problems or traumatic experiences (wounds). It will easier for them to solve the problem or heal the wounds together. There must be people who have the same problem or wounds as mine. Once my wounds have been healed, I can help others who have the same or similar problem (wounds). By sharing my experience and my witness, we can also help each other conquer problems and heal wounds.

Jack and Parry were wounded persons. But, by their wounds they healed each other. From being weak persons, they become strong persons because they help each other. Each of them fills the emptiness in his friend and they become whole. Jack is less, Parry is less, but together they are more.

I also recognize and understand my ministry as a wounded healer. I helped others because I have been helped by others and I would be helped more by others. Every time I went to Cubao for Musmos postulate, I always had a great desire to help the children there find their meaning of life, forget their bad experiences and heal their wounds. I always hoped that I can really help them. But, then I realize that it is me who was helped by them. They healed also my wounds that I can forget my worries and enjoy playing with them. We helped each other because the children and I realize that we need each other. No one feels more important than others. Therefore, equality is also needed in making such relationship work.

My Precious

(a small reflection on movie Ray)

There is a joke about what the most important thing in human life is.

Five Jews changed the way we look at things:

• Moses: The Law is everything




• Jesus: Love is everything
  




• Marx: Money is everything




• Freud: Sex is everything




• Then came Einstein: Everything is relative.

There are many precious things in my life, including life itself. Life is the first and biggest grace and gift from God. But, life is not the most precious one as Jesus himself have said, ”For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it”. And, as a Jesuit, I was also told that life is only a means to attain the goal, not the goal itself.

The second biggest grace to me is faith which makes my life is much more meaningful and not futile. What’s a life worth if there is no guarantee in the afterlife. But, thanks be to God, by faith in Jesus and his Church, at least I have a part in eternal life. How precious my life is because of faith and how precious faith is. I also consider that faith is more precious than life. Faith saves me, but life without faith has no meaning. If I was forced to choose between life and faith, I would choose the last one even though I have to lose my life. But, how about those who because of some reasons have no faith in Jesus and the Church? Are their lives still precious? This question makes me think once more about this. Indeed, their lives are still precious for some of them have love and they live their lives better than those who plead they have faith. Therefore, faith is not everything.

Is love everything just like what Jesus said? For a long time, I have thought so. But, then a story changed my mind. The story is about a couple of husband and wife who strictly supported anti-abortion. But, then a problem hit them. They had twin fetuses in the wife’s womb. One was female and another one is male. There was a problem with female fetus that could cause danger to the other fetus and the mother. Doctors suggested they abort the female fetus. After a long consideration, they decided to keep the baby alive. When the time came for the wife to give birth, the babies were born successfully. But, Anne, the female baby could only stay alive for 6 hours. However, her parents made a surprising decision to donor her organs to other babies who needed them to live longer. They called her as a heroine for her six-hour life had saved others’ lives. She doesn’t have love, but her life has a meaning. And, that’s more important than life, than faith, and than other things. Of course, her parents have the love that make she become a heroine for others.

Actually, this story makes me confused about the most precious thing in my life. Is it love or the meaning of life? After a long vacillation, I found that the one which must be my precious thing is the meaning of life because love itself gives my life meaning and love is always needed to make my life more meaningful.

So far, I found that the meaning of life is about self-giving as Jesus came to the world only to give himself to human beings. Following Jesus’ example, who gave himself out of love, I also considered self-giving as the most precious thing in my life. And, it will be quite easy to do if I have love.

For me, this idea looks very abstract. I am not sure I can really to do this. But, I hope so. At least, I have desire to do so. For me, in this time, it’s enough to have such desire to love and give myself as the most precious thing in my life.

TRUST

(a small reflection on movie I am David)

To trust is to give a secret or something important and valuable to someone else and to ask for the other’s responsibility for them. The reason for trusting others is that someone can’t do everything by himself. He needs other people to help him, and for that, he needs to be sure that these people aren’t going to betray him. But, others also need to be sure that this person is also trustworthy so that by helping him, he may also help them.

Regarding the need of human being to trust others and to be trusted, it is very important for everyone to prove that he is trustworthy. This effort has become the most important thing in the world since human beings realize that good relationship with other people is unavoidable and, in fact, absolutely needed. Even among criminals, there is also a need of trusting and being trusted.

Unavoidably, I was born into this world, where trust is valuable and esteemable. So, willingly or not, I must build my trustworthiness in order to survive and live better. This awareness has been nurtured since my childhood. My parents always admonished me whenever I proved to be untrustworthy. Since that time, becoming a trustworthy man has been my effort to help people and mainly to be helped by others.

Some people are dishonest and not genuine, especially when they put an effort to be trusted by others. They cover up their weaknesses and pretend to be perfect in almost everything. They hope people will trust them very much. Some people may trust them for their good appearance. But, once people know their authenticity, especially what they covered with boasts and pretences, people will not trust them any more. In the movie I am David, this kind of person was represented by the baker David met. Toward David, he pretended to be courteous and kind to cover his suspiciousness. He pretended to want to give David bread in order to give him up to the police. But, fortunately, David knew his lie and trusted him no more.

The movie I am David also showed an other way of being trusted. That is to be honest and genuine. One of the people included in this group is Sophia. She was really kind and nice in an unfeigned way. When she saw David, she told him her impression on him, whether it’s good or not. Knowing that Sophia was honest and unlike the baker wore no mask, he began to trust her bit by bit. Sometimes, like the baker, I also pretend to be good, nice and sinless to make people trust me. But, then I realized that it makes everything worse for people wouldn’t trust me any more if they know the truth. For me, the second way is the best and I will try to do so. I will be honest to people, especially to the Society, about my strengths and weaknesses. Besides, I will also try to cover my weaknesses, not by boasts and pretences but by hard effort to accomplish whatever people entrust on me. Then, it is up to them to trust me or not.

There are some people untrustworthy. But more people are trustworthy.

Letter to all Juniors

CURIA PRAEPOSITI GENERALIS SOCIETATIS IESU

TO ALL JUNIORS,

Dear Brothers,

On this good occasion, I would like to write a letter for all of you Juniors in the Society of Jesus, wherever you are. There is no special purpose for it, but I think it is good to write a letter to you all. In this letter, I would like to give you a further understanding on who you are and what your role in the Society should be. Knowing your identity and your role will guide you in living in your community and in the Society. I am sure that your directors have given the explanation and description about who you are, your goals, and how to attain them. But, I would like to emphasize some things.

The importance of this letter is to help you know your position and role in the body of the Society. It is important to know yourself and your role in order to make better discernments in your life. As you know, our body has many different parts and each part has its function, its role, and its uniqueness. A problem in one of those parts will affect other parts and the whole body. Our Society is like our body. Jesus is our head or our leader. And each of us takes a part in the whole body. Each of us takes different but important roles in the whole body of the Society. That’s why we cannot say someone’s membership is more important than someone else’s. All of us have the same importance in the Society. Our apostolic, academic and spiritual lives are connected to each other. One’s role in the Society will also be affected by other members. That is Master Ignatius’ view of the body of the Society of Jesus.

In this letter, I will focus on who you are, where you are going, and what you should do. Further, based on your own reflection, you may wish to find your own way of reading the ideas in this letter.

Who Are You in The Society?

Most of you come directly from Novitiate after you have pronounced your first vows. And, some of you however will do your juniorate program after philosophical study. Coming fresh from the Novitiate makes you the newest member of the Society. You are the youngest among those in the Society who have pronounced vows. Being the youngest doesn’t mean being the least on experience and the worst in doing mission. But, for some of you it means so. When I was a junior, sometimes I felt that my seniors look down on me. But, then I realized that we are the same in the Society. We come from the same Spiritual Exercises. We are under the same founder, our father Ignatius. We live the same vowed life together. All of us are the sons of the Society, parts of the whole body. The only difference is that ones join before the others and we have different roles. But, the life in Society of Jesus is of the same importance.

One makes the Juniorate program after Novitiate. There, Juniors are supposed to undertake special studies, mostly in the humaniora as preparation for their philosophy studies. The Juniorate program bridges the two-year Novitiate and philosophical studies. There will be a pretty big cultural shock in this transition time for you are going to see the same world but now with a new point of view.

Young members are usually full of idealism for they come fresh from the Novitiate with all the idealism of being a good Jesuit is nurtured. After the Novitiate, it is the time for you to see the world with a new viewpoint, which will be different from before. From idealism, you come into realism. And you will be somehow disappointed knowing that that your idealism is different from the reality you are now in.

Where are you going?

Academically, you are going to study philosophy after your juniorate. Apostolically, you are going to prepare for your future that you will be sent for mission. Spiritually, you are going to live your vows, actualized in you daily life. And, you are supposed to integrate these things in your life. It means you are going to live your academic, apostolic and spiritual life all together within the vows you have taken. Therefore, you will need the other members of the Society to help you to do it. In this case, you will really need the good example of your seniors for you do slowly be incorporated by the Society, even as you incorporate yourself into the body of the Society. But, your seniors may not give good examples that may make disappoint you. You know that what you learn from your seniors will affect very much your being Jesuit. And you may wonder how to be good Jesuits if you don’t see any good examples.

The identity of a Jesuit is a man on a mission. And, your mission in juniorate program is to study to prepare yourself well for philosophical or other studies, to maintain the spiritual life you have gained in your Novitiate, and to train yourselves for some apostolic work. But, your community is also your mission. You are going to find your role in your community because that too is your role in the Society.

For Your Reflection

As a young member you may demand more to the Society of Jesus and her members. You demand them to give you good examples and to be generous to you as the youngest in the Society. But, actually, to be a Jesuit is to give, more than to demand. Therefore, although you are the youngest in the Society, it is your mission to give to your community a good example too. Realizing that your lives may have good effects on the others, you shouldn’t hesitate to remind the older members of the Society if they do something wrong. We make mistakes not only when we do something bad but also when we do not do something good. It will be terrible if you do nothing or even followed their unfair examples.

As you reflect on this letter, you may find your own way of proceeding which is good for you in facing this situation. It will be very different for each of you, depending on your understanding of yourself and your community. At the end of this letter, I suggest you to ask yourself what I can do for the Society and not what I will receive from the Society. Keep on reflecting!

Rome, August 23^rd, 2006

Your friend in the Lord

Agustinus Wahyu Dwi Anggoro

What is Life?

(a small reflection on movie The River Runs Trough It)

It was after my pilgrimage (peregrination) when I recognized life as a journey or pilgrimage. I reflected that my pilgrimage was a symbol for my life itself. What I found and experienced in my pilgrimage seemed to have implications in my life.

The main thing I should have in both the pilgrimage and life is purpose. I can still remember my purpose in my pilgrimage; it was to go to a monastery in Rawaseneng, Central Java. Then, led by that purpose I tried to find my way there. Of course I had a map that showed almost all possible ways to go there. There are many ways to the purpose. There are also many ways to other purposes. Each way has branches. And at every crossroad, I had to choose one leading me to my purpose. In choosing, I needed discernment to lead me to a decision. So, there will be so many discernments and decision in a journey. A wrong discernment will lead me to a wrong decision, and a wrong decision will lead me to a wrong way, and a wrong way will lead me to a wrong purpose. Then, how can I choose the right one? Firstly, I can ask those who know well the ways. Hopefully, they will help me choose the right way. Secondly, I learn from my experiences, especially my mistakes. I learn how I fell in a mistake and then try not to fall in the same mistake. In other words, I learn to know and understand my self and my circumstances. Then, I can make a better choice.

What I see in my life is more or less the same. In the Spiritual Exercises, I found that the purpose of my life is to glorify the Lord and I tried to lead my life to that goal. The Spiritual Exercises also showed me almost all possible ways to gain the purpose. Now, I have chosen one of those ways, being a Jesuit. I think without any clear purpose in this life, we just wander around with no direction. With a certain purpose, we can choose the right, safe and advantageous way. There are many ways and many choices (some are true, some are wrong), and I should choose the right one to attain to my purpose.

Once, I understand life as a struggle (vita est militia). In some cases, it’s true. In the metaphor of life as a journey, I also can find that truth. Without a struggle, a strong desire, and a spirit of not giving up easily, I can’t reach the final purpose. Then, I found a new meaning that life is a series of decision. At each time of our life, I should make decision, purposely or not. The series of decisions means a series of discernment because in making a decision I need discernment. In discernment, I sometimes need others who are experienced in that and know better the way I choose (or am going to choose). Finally, I should know myself and my circumstances. By learning from my mistakes and my experience, I can know myself better. And, then I can make a better decision. Knowing my circumstances can make me choose the better choice for me. A choice that is good for someone will not always good for me. So, I must try to find the better choice for me.

Parental Love of God

(a small reflection on movie Big Fish)

There is no parent who wants their children to suffer in the future. It is said that a parent always does his best for his children. Certainly, this is in the parent’s point of view, but the children usually fail to understand that. It is what happened in Big Fish. Edward tries every attempt to do the best for his boy, Will. But, the best for Ed is not the best for Will. He fails in understanding his father’s good will. He always supposes that his father’s story of life is a useless lie until he himself understands his father’s reason for telling him a story. He realizes this right before he is becoming a father. He begins to understand the truth of what he has supposed as a lie and the use of what he has supposed as useless things.

Not all of what my parents told me and did for me is understandable to me. Sometimes, I really can’t understand why they did this or that for me. As I review my life, I find that many things are understandable after I grew up and when I was helped by such things. Then, I would feel very thankful, very lucky that my parents had done those things to me. For example, when I was a child, my parents used to ask me to help them in their daily work. As a child, I thought that it wasn’t my duty to do such work, but I did it. Then, as I grew up I realized that it was very useful. I became used to works hard, and I didn’t give up easily when I faced a difficult problem. And there are also many things that I had ever supposed as useless things, only to realizthat they are very useful things in my life. Such understanding makes me feel my family’s love toward me. They never said to me that they love me but through what they have done for me, I can see their love.

God is like my parents too. Occasionally, He loves me through such things that aren’t understandable to me. But He does love me. Every now and after, He ‘educates’ me in a way that I feel lika a fool in order to make me strong to face the problems in my life. When he educated me, I often complained about that or that I didn’t what He was doing. But, then when I was able to face many problems, I fell strong enough to stand alone. I feel God’s love. And, I find that most of God’s love comes to me through my parents. Thanks, God.

Hostility and Hospitality

(a small reflection on movie Chöcölat)

In the Chöcölat, there were two sides that are in conflict with each other. One side is represented by Vianne, Annouk, Armenda, Roux, and their friends. They belonged to the law breakers and unfaithful ones, but they lived in happiness and joy. The other side contains the mayor, the priest and most of the members of the town who were faithful and always go to the church. They are law followers, and even though they lived within the boundaries of the law and they aren’t free to do the many things they want and because of this they aren’t happy in their lives.

The two sides have their own extreme ways of life. The mayor and his groups live under the law of the church. But, they are bound by the law so that they can’t move freely. The mayor, as the ‘leader’ of the group, wants all the members of the town to join his way of life. In the beginning, he welcomes Vianne to his town. This act shows his hospitality. But, when he sees that his attempt shows no result, his hospitality turns into hostility. He tries to influence the entire town to enter into conflict with Vianne and her chocolate shop. At first, this seems to succeed. But, step by step, the members of the town begin to know that chocolate is delicious and there’s no reason to reject it. Then, it’s the beginning of Vianne’s victory.

The second extreme way of life is showed by Vianne’s life. Vianne and friends live freely and don’t want to go to church. She neglects the law of the church (mostly because of her ignorance) and opens a chocolaterie in Lent. But, she helps many people with her chocolates. An old woman finds happiness in her chocolaterie and renews her relationship with her grandson. A husband discovers his romanticism with his wife with Vianne’s chocolate. And old man finds his love with the help of Vianne’s chocolate. Vianne herself finds Roux as her love because of the chocolate. Her hospitality in accepting everyone helps her help many people in their lives.

For me, Vianne’s hospitality comes from her self-acceptance. She is able to accept herself as she is, her past, her background, her destiny. With this, she feels free to accept the other people come into her life and to help them. In contrast, the mayor isn’t able to accept himself, his disability, his failure (in family life) and so on. He tries to find other’s mistakes, not his. He is therefore unable to accept other people came to his life.

How can we turn our hostility into hospitality? By self acceptance. We must try to accept ourselves and this can transform our hostility into hospitality.

Both the mayor and Vianne express their charity in their own unique way. The mayor always reminds his people to do their duties. I think it is a good way to love others. The mayor has a good and pure intention; it is to help others to be faithful and not neglect their duties and responsibilities. His attempt to forbid Vianne from opening her chocolaterie shows his attention on his people. He doesn’t want his people being disturbed during Lent by the chocolaterie. But, this great charity is colored by his conflict with Vianne. It is this that makes his way of loving seems bad.

Vianne has her own way of loving; it is by accepting people as they are and as many as she can. To the people who come to her chocolaterie, she will welcome them. She gives them their freedom to choose what they want (for example their favorite chocolate) and to do whatever they wish. This way of loving doesn’t have any bad effect on anyone. Even the mayor at last realizes his mistake and Vianne’s good intention.

I reflect that in our way of charity, especially in our community life, we should combine these two ways of charity. To our friends, in our community, it is good to appreciate their freedom, their wish, and their will to do whatever they want. But, it is more important to remind them about their duties, their compulsory, and their responsibilities.

Loneliness and Solitude

(a small reflection on movie Lost in Translation)

Like Bob and Charlotte, I sometimes also experience loneliness. I think everyone must have experienced loneliness, even those who are very happy in life. I feel lonely especially when I am in a new place, or in a new community, and when I met new peoples. In these, it seemed that I had no friend. It is what Bob and Charlotte (in Lost in Translation) feel when they are in Japan and had no one to be their friend. Finally, they met in the hotel bar and became a match for one another. They became friends.

What I really feel in AIR is more or less the same. When I came here, I really fell welcomed by the members of this community. I was impressed by their kindness and generosity in welcoming us. But, beside that, I also found myself alone. I was put in a different building from the two other friends of mine. Yes, I could find other Malaysian and East Timorese who can speak Bahasa in Building D where my room is located. But, still I found no friend who had the same struggle and difficulties as I had. So, it is no wonder that the other Indonesian Juniors and I often gather to speak Bahasa, and to do something together. By gathering and meeting each other (among three of us), we could share our difficulties, our struggles which are more or less the same. By sharing these, my burden, struggle, and difficulties are lessened and lightened. Sharing was also what Bob and Charlotte did when they found themselves in the same problem. Then, they also found that by sharing it, they could lessen, lighten it.

When I found no one to whom I can share my problem and struggle, then I remember that there is one who would be so pleased to listen to me. It’s God. In this case, God is the best. He would listen to me patiently, He would keep my secret, and he would lessen and lighten my burden though I don’t know it. In this case, God seems to give no solution. But, actually, he gives the best solution, much better than the other solutions my friends give me. I realized that when I am in a problem, I remember him and I believed that he will give me the best answer to my question.

When I turn to God and share my feelings, problems, and whatever else I have experienced, I have successfully turned my loneliness into solitude. In the loneliness, we might find no one but ourselves. But, in the solitude, we find both God and ourselves.

Seize The Day

(a small reflection on movie Dead Poet’s Society)

For me, the main message of the movie Dead Poet’s Society is Carpe diem (seize the day). I think these words came from Descartes, an old Greek philosopher. These words sound like “enjoy this day, don’t worry about your uncertain future and forget your bad past”. But, in our Christian point of view, it sounds like “live your moment, be thankful of every moment you have, or something like that”.

Henry J.M Nouwen wrote in his book that everyday is special, different from other days. This special day could be bad or good. Everyday God gives us our daily needs, he gives us graces we need for the day. We will find out the difference and the special moment of everyday, if we always try to find God in our very day and try to draw a meaning from our days. It’s one way to be thankful for God’s gifts. In this case, seizing the day means drawing a meaning from everything that happens, either good or bad, so that we can thank to God for everything we get.

Neil and his friends, in Dead Poet’s Society found the liberty and freedom they had never found before when they entered the high school. They were free from their parents who always controlled them. They also found a creative, future thought, and a pleasant teacher. The teacher always suggests that they seize the day. He would like to say that the liberty they have must be used properly, the long youth must be filled with many useful things. Although Neil had done many good and useful things, such as establishing the Dead Poet’s Society with his friend, and participating in the School Theater, he finally couldn’t help himself and killed himself when he found no more freedom from his parents.

When I wanted to enter the Society, the question that my examiner asked me is, “Why I chose SJ, not the other one?” At that time, my answer is that Jesuits look stricter than the others because their two-year novitiate looks so difficult and closed, different from other novitiates. My examiner told me that in the Novitiate I may found such things, but not in the next steps of my formation.

This has become true. During the novitiate, I had to follow the rule, the schedule and the command of my Novice Master. It is like a desert experience, a long-long way to the end of my step. But, it’s a beginning. And the beginning is always the most difficult part. But, I endured my life in the novitiate happily, because it’s my choice. I did find that what my examiner said was true. My novice master was also very strict. The schedule and the formation were very clearly proposed, very massive that I had no more time to relax. I realize that what I had to learn in this Novitiate would be useful in my further step, because in the next step, I would be very free from all schedules, commands and such things in the novitiate.

I feel Neil’s freedom now. I am free from the schedule, from the ringing bell that wakes me up, from the punishment of making mistake and so on. In this juniorate program, I find the liberty and freedom in the Society I had never found before. Now, these all are in my charge; they are my responsibility. In this case, my discernment is challenged. Can I manage one ward and my time so that I can study, pray, recreate and do exercise properly. Can I seize my day? These are the questions for me. I will try to manage my time and my schedule properly, so that I can prove that I really want to be a Jesuit, that I want the Society accept me as part of the companion of Jesus. I won’t kill myself by doing something useless or even making me unable to serve the Lord better.