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Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything

Nothing is more practical than finding God,
that is, than falling is love
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination,
will affect everything.
It will decide what will get you out of bed
in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read, who you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything.

PEDRO ARRUPE, S.J.

A Chance of Lifetime

a review

The story of Chance of a Lifetime is about a courier girl named Helen Davies who took a group of tourists on a tour around Europe, from London to Istanbul. The plot flows as the journey moved from on country to another. The writer shows how the main figure, Helen, found new things in every country; also how she tried to approach and make every members of the group happy. She was interested in one of her clients until she found some strange coincidence which made her suspicious of him. The writer tries to hide some facts in the story to build a suspense which makes the story more vivid and interesting. The ending is just like a general suspense story. But, some readers may not expect this particular ending and suppose that in the end, Helen may find something making her happy, such as finding her love or making up her relationship with her former boyfriend, Tom. The ending is quite common as two of the tourists, Vic and Sarah, his girlfriend, who act like other tourists and pretend not knowing each other in the tour but sometimes act strangely, were caught in the airport for his fake passport. The writer has made this story a typical story which hides some facts or coincidences and comes up with a surprise in the end. However, the writer was successful in making it interesting, easy to read, and easy to understand.

The plot flows interestingly, showing the coherence and consequence from one paragraph to the next. But, sometimes, the writer cuts the story and continues with the next day. I think he wants to hide something to build the suspense and come up with everything revealed in the end of the story. The happy ending may be different from what the readers expect, at least from what I expected, but writers come up with different idea of happiness. The real happiness for Helen is not that she found her love, met a boy friend or such happiness, but that finally she found her life and her own choice to live it, and didn’t pin her happiness on a man any more.

The writer has built strong characters in the story, especially for Helen as she is the main figure. Helen is shown as a doubtful person at the beginning until her friend, Julia, gave her advice to find her happiness. Then, she began to think about herself, about her life and how to fill it, and so on. Not all the characters in the story have details in their description. Some are really well-described with details and through their saying or acting, but some are only little involved in the story so that they are not well-described. The description of Helen’s character is so clear that the readers may be on her side and hope that something good may happen to her. On the other hand, Vic’s and Sarah’s characters are described in an unclear way although they are shown as likely important figures in the story. Sometimes, the writer shows them as good persons, and sometimes as confusing ones. He did that to make the readers keep on wondering who actually they are, which lead them to read the story until the end.

I think this story is intended to be read in one reading, so that the writer has made it quite short, along with some illustration, but with an interesting plot making the readers unwilling to put it down before they finish reading it, a flowing narrative, light conversation and usage of easy-to-understand words. In other words, the writer intends to make this story as a light reading. Simple and short sentences, therefore, are often used in the story. The writer didn’t put many details on places and the situations surrounding make the story will be longer and more complicated. However, the descriptions in this story are still sufficient to sustain the wholeness of the story and to build the suspense and the interest of the readers. In the story, the writer also gives a lot of question, most of which are Helen’s towards herself. Then, we can find the answer through the happy ending. For me, the story was written in a narrative way with a lot of description and illustration. Therefore, only by reading the whole book and understanding the plot can we absorb the main points of the story. When I read it, I tried to guess the ending, but it was wrong at all. I had to read till the end to really know the writer’s thoughts.

Reflection on Julia’s Advice

Before Helen took the job from Global tour to bring the tourists around Europe, her friend, Julia, gave her advice to take it and to find her own happiness. For her, so far Helen’s happiness always depended on a man, Tom. From that moment, she began to think about it and finally she took the tour. Julia wasn’t wrong for Helen found a lot of joys, new experiences and many surprises, but above all, she found her life and how to live it.

For me, Julia’s advice is very good that I would give the same advice if were in her position. Since true happiness or joy come from oneself, someone cannot rely his happiness on someone else. It’s true that by finding his own life and how to live it, someone will find happiness more than he has found before. Freedom from boundaries and freedom to choose are the important things to find true happiness and freedom is gained by getting rid of all dependence on others. Self dependence and self confidence, as the results of freedom from boundaries, will make us free to choose our lives and how to live it.

My Decision to be a Jesuit

To decide what you will be when you grow up is one of the most important think to do in your life because it will affect almost all your life very much and therefore you must prepare it well. At the age of eighteen, I have decided to become a Jesuit priest. It has become one of important decisions I had made. I decided to be a Jesuit priest because of two main reasons: to detach from my family and to live the more challenging and harder life. Since I had decided to be a priest, there were two kinds of priest orders for me to choose. One is Diocesan priest and another one is Jesuit priest. At that time, these are the only kinds of priest orders I have known.

For me, to be a priest is to serve totally God through others. Therefore, it is very important for me to detach from all kinds of attachments in order to be able to serve better. Since I realized that one of my biggest attachments is family, it will be very helpful for me to concentrate better if I can detach from my family. Diocesan priests are usually local priests, working more often in parish or in some categorical ministry. While Jesuit is an international order that allows me work in many distant places, even overseas. That’s why I choose to be a Jesuit and not diocesan.

I found that being a diocesan priest is not challenging enough for me. I can only work in a diocese, while Jesuits may be sent to many places and many countries. Diocesan’s lives also seem too easy and glorious. They enjoy having many things a good position in hierarchy. In other hand, I found Jesuit’s way of life is more challenging. They live in a different way of life, harder and more difficult. They are also sent to many places and countries.

So far, it has been two years since I joined the Society of Jesus and I really found the challenges that I had hoped before I joined her. I also find that I can really detach from my family better than before that I can concentrate on my study, my prayer and my life as a Jesuit.

This decision has also had many effects in my life, two of which are that I have become more independent and mature in enduring life and I have found more challenges in the Society of Jesus; however, becoming a Jesuit also makes me incapable of meeting my family as often as before.

One effect I have found after I had decided to become a Jesuit is that I become more independent and mature in enduring life. Being detached from my family has demanded me to live independently and decide everything by myself. It is a good effect for me since I have been hoping that I be able to be an independent person. That very reason made me choose to become Jesuit. By the discernment, the main way to make decision in the Society of Jesus, I can decide everything according to the way of life of Jesuits in which I am being incorporated.

As another effect, I have also found more challenges, something I look for by joining the Society of Jesus. In study, I have been challenged to find my own way of study and to be able and available to be sent for study wherever the Society wants me to go. In apostolate, works and helping peoples, which are the main ministry of Jesuits, I have been challenged to learn how to help people, to works as the member of the Society and to do apostolic works. I have looked for these challenges and I have found it in the Society of Jesus. This reason also made me choose the Society to join with.

However, joining the Society of Jesus has also an uncomfortable effect for me. Ii has made me incapable of meeting my family as often as before because becoming a Jesuit has demanded me to be detached from my family, physically and affectively. Physically, I have been and will be far from family for years. Affectively, I have to be detached from remembering now and after my family so that my study, apostolate and life in the Society will not be disturbed. However, I am sure that my family still and will always support me, especially by their prayer.

I consider all of these effects not as advantages and disadvantages or the goal and the risk but as a choice. The whole choice demands me to take the good effect as well as the uncomfortable one. So, my decision and choice to be a Jesuit includes these effects in it. For me, there is nothing to be regretted because I have chosen this choice. Now, it is time to look forward towards my goal, my future.

Apostolate and Community Life

It has been more than three months since I joined the Musmos Cubao Apostolate. So, for me now it’s a good time to reflect how far I have been going and what I can get form this kind of apostolate. At first, I still couldn’t appreciate this kind of apostolate for there I can do nothing but playing with the kids and giving them the food we had cooked. But, being with them for three months, I learn many things from them and I feel that I had a good time playing with and talking to them.

At the first place, I learn that apostolate is not about giving something such as lecture or catechism, but mostly about being there (presence) and learn from those we are with. When one of us once was absent from this apostolate, many of the kids asked about him. They missed him so much. From that, I learn how important is our presence there for the kids. It makes me think and reflect on my community life that in community life I often neglect to pay attention whether someone is present or not. I usually ignore this important aspect of building a better community life. The problem is that I only pay attention on myself.

Secondly, I learn about fear and worry. At the first time I came to Cubao and meet the kids, I feel that they were so nice. They can easily go with me and they asked me to play with them as if they had known me for a long time. They have no fear, no worry, and no suspiciousness, whereas I was so afraid at that time that I wouldn’t be accepted in that area (Cubao). It makes me reflect also that often I still have fear and worry if I am going to be in a new community, and have suspiciousness when I meet new faces. That’s not the way of Jesuits for Jesuits must be available to be sent to any place at any time.

Thirdly, I learn something from our collaboration with the Musmos Group. Sometimes, after the kids were gone, we had some sharing. In this sharing, we usually share our burden, difficulties, haplessness, or desolation and our happiness, joy, or consolation as well. By this kind of sharing, we can confirm and encourage each other in order to give and receive, to lighten and to be lightened. This is also one aspect that should be in community life. To build a better community life, sharing meeting are needed, especially in order to lighten and be lightened.

The last, it’s not fair if I really do nothing or make no attempts for the kids in my apostolate. So far, I have learnt some Tagalog words and I want to learn more in the next semester so that I can talk and communicate more to the kids. That’s effort from my side, so that I can give but in the same time also receive.

Our Ministry is Jesus' Ministry

(a small reflection on movie Dead Man Walking)

The movie, Dead Man Walking really gives me many inspirations and examples about ministry, an important thing for me who have chosen to live a religious life. For me, what Sister Helen did really shows how my life and ministry as a Jesuit should be. There are two points I want to reflect on Sister Helen’s excellent examples.

Firstly, I want to reflect on the fact that she chose a ministry avoided by others. For me, it really reminds and shows me the Jesuits’ way of proceeding, which was our way of life for many years. When other nuns, even other religious, avoided such ministries, Sister Helen involved herself deeply and totally to this kind of ministry. She really followed Jesus’ example to touch those who are untouched in the society. Some religious tend to choose ministries which make them famous and popular, work with people whom they are comfortable with, but we Jesuits are supposed to choose a ministry avoided by others. This time will be a good time for me to learn and train myself doing my ministry in this way because in Jakarta (philosophical study) I will not be able to be involved in any ministry until I am in my second year of Philosophy.

The second one I want to reflect on is about cura personalis (personal care) which was showed by Sr. Helen in the movie as she accompanied Matthew Poncelet. As she said, “I’m just trying to follow the example of Jesus, who said that a person is not as bad as his worst deed,” She really treated Matthew as a person who needed help while other people despised him as an animal. She didn’t look at what Matthew had done but at him as a human being who needed help. It is just like what Jesus did to the prostitutes and tax collectors. Those people, who were marginalized by society, are usually incapable of experiencing God’s love. And it is our duty to make them capable of it because that is one way to make them realize that their lives are meaningful. It is very hard for them to experience God’s love because their lives are usually very hard and their society usually does not accept them. Once we can do this especially through cura personalis, it will be quite easy to collaborate with them as helpers to their fellow human beings.

The important thing in ministry is that we should always follow Jesus’ example, draw our spirit and energy from Jesus and give up the final result to Him. Our ministry is not our ministry but Jesus’. It is very important to do our best, but it is more important to give up the result to the will of God. He who starts good works will continue and finish them.

I'm just trying to follow the example of Jesus, who said that a person is not as bad as his worst deed.

Indefinite Formation

Today, Fr. Manny Flores, SJ and Fr. Ted Gonzales, SJ pronounced their final vows. It was a simple but great and solemn celebration led by Fr. Daniel Patrick Huang, SJ, the Provincial of Society of Jesus in Phillipines Province. In 1976, they joined the Society and only after twenty eight years, they finish their formations.

As I reflect on this occasion, I look at my vocation, and I see a long pathway leading to my final vows and to the end of my life. I cannot esteem how long my formation will be. Before my first vows, I was told that I was going to be sent to Pillipines for Juniorate program which means my formation wil be one year longer than thos in my batch who do not experience the Juniorate. That made me quite sad and upset, but I try to make up my mind that I might find new experinces in the Phllipines. It was four months ago. Now, as I reflect on my first three months here, I find that it’s not about how long my formation will be, but it is about how generous I am to the Society and the people, how deep I internalize the values and way of life of the Society, and how mature I am in study, apostolate, prayer and community life.

I belong to the Society though I haven’t wholly accepted, but maybe I havne’t had the sense of belonging to the Society. Therefore, formation will be my time to learn how to have this sense of belonging. Then as Fr. Manny said in his words after his vows, I can aslo say in my final vows that I belong to the Society and she belongs to me.